Students ask a lot of questions

Students. They like to ask us questions.

It’s making me miserable.

Can I study this off-campus programme off-campus?

??? That’s not self-explanatory ???

Can I apply to this course when the application is closed?

What kind of answer are you expecting..? YES! You seem an especially fabulous person we shall break all rules for you! Just you! Yes? Or you think that we have available places that we’re hiding? Becuase we don’t really want our courses full?

Why have you changed the selection criteria?

So if our selection criteria were different in 2013…then that makes a difference to your current application…?

How does guaranteed admission work?

This question is currently trending. We didn’t use to get lots and lots of questions about this. Aaand…it’s not self-explanatory? If we guarantee admission we garantee admission? You pass the courses and you’re guaranteed a place on one of the programmes clearly listed on our website? This is difficult to understand? Are you sure you are ready to start uni?

Related question:

So if I don’t complete all courses what happens then?

..you are not guaranteed admission..? Are you under the impression we’re some sort of talking buddies? Because it seems to me you’re just desperately trying to keep the conversation going.

Exchanges like this, is not at all uncommon:

Can I change from the programme at your uni to a uni in Stockholm?

No, we have no such agreement for your programme. But if you study [this other programme], you could, because we do have an agreement.

Can’t I change to a different programme in Stockholm?

The only way for you to swap one programme for another is if we have an agreement. Which, as mentioned, we do not on this particular programme.

So there is no possiblity to study in Stockholm? You don’t have any colloboration with a Stockholm uni?

…what was I just saying? That doesn’t answer your question? Are you interested in actual studies at all? Or just living in Stockholm? Because you might want to reconsider the applying to uni business.

Actually, I got fed up with this one and told him in no uncertain terms he needed guidance and that’s provided by, well, our guidance counselors.

Why are there only 90 places on the programme?

OH well thank god you asked! Now that you asked, we’re immediately changing the number of places. I mean there is a practical reason for you to ask this question right? You’re not asking just to ask? You wouldn’t..do that..would you?

When will you let me know about accomodation?

…we’re a university and don’t have any dealings with accomodation of any type..? Sooo…never?

Can I take this course even if I don’t meet entry requirements?

Sure! We just have entry requirements for fun.

Also loved this one, which wasn’t from a student, but a professor:

Evaluation. 

The students want to know how to access the evaluation form for the summer course.

No signature, no Hej! no mention of what course. I applaud your skills in digital communication contratuwelldone! I for one, so keen to help you out.

I’m going to be out of the country when the course starts, so I won’t be able to attend the mandatory lectures, is that a problem?

You’ve booked vacation for when courses start..? You might want to consider counseling. Because this is clearly a subconscious effort to get out of your studies. Or at least a HUGE BIG SIGN you ain’t that interested.

…I obviously don’t answer the emails like this at all. But only because I know that it would piss people off and they’d come back. My goal is always to make people go away. (I admit, it’s a flawed goal, but I’m not cut out for providing any type service, OK?)

This is like one of the many circles of hell. Having to carry out tasks that serve litterally no pupose. And it never ends.