Goodbye February!

Music

I think it’s fair to say I’ve been listening quite a bit to Deaf Havana. Specifically the 2017 release All These Countless Nights. And all because of a t-shirt. Don’t underestimate the power of a band tee. Apparently.

Here’s a taste:

Also, obsessed with this Casey video:

His hands. It’s hypnotizing.

Reads

Kristian Gidlund + Annika Lantz – loved both!

In general, concerned about how little I’ve been reading lately. I need to reprioritize my time.

Wearables

No more more knits. I beg of you! Cannot stand it. But I also cannot stand being cold. Dilemma!

No more eyebrows. I did mention how I’ve just given up on brows, didn’t I?

More shoes! Remember these ones?

vagabond boots

These are not shoes made for Swedish winter. Yet, the only thing I’ve been wearing since it started snowing. (I.e. January.) I haven’t loved a pair of shoes this much since early 2000 when I had a pair of knee-high 10 cm platform boots with embroidered dragons (yes, I’m sure you’re jealous now).

I’ve considered getting a second pair as a back up. Can’t quite justify it tho. Was tun!? Bought a different version of the same shoe instead. Also on sale, 45% off, mine for a mere 550 SEK, which is a find I will tell you.

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In other words…still working on becoming a more mindful shopper.

Favorite eyeshadow combo: yellow and purple. Lovely matte yellow shade from H&M and purples from the Sleek Vintage Romance palette.

On the screen

The Mindy Project. I was going to start watching the new season of Vikings, but ended up binging Mindy, which I’d completely missed for unknown reasons. Obviously I love it.

Vikings. Yes I did get my HBO subscription back. Aaand..is it just me or is the second half of season 4 just, not very good?

Girls! Do I have to expand? And the third episode; one of the best episodes of all the episodes ever. In my opinion.

There’s also a podcast, funded and produced by Swedish radio, about each of the episode of Girls, which is money well spent. I mean really, if there is one thing I want my taxes to go to it’s this.

True Blood. It’s as if I’m trying to catch up on TV shows in general. Yea, yea they’re old, but I haven’t been watching anything except for YouTube for quite a while now.

Food

I just keep thinking about how much I love vegan food. Like a lot. It’s exactly like this:

However. Have to start buying my veggies according to season. Had a bad aubergine experience.

Miscellaneous

Architects went on a short tour. Which is fun for all, whether or not you’re attending a show. They sure brighten up my Twitter and Insta feeds.

I need more sarcasm in my feeds. Already looking forward to their North American tour. Not that I’m going. I’ll be right here. Hoping for a Swedish date soonish. It’s looking bleak tho, innit?

Tried a core class for the first time. It was hard. Spent most of the class thinking “GAWD, ISN’T IT OVER YET?!”. Unfortunately not unexpected. Unfortunately because I need it, so I’ll have to go again. And again. And again. Until it gets easy.

Signed a piece of paper saying I’m buying a new flat next year. Yea. It just seemed to make sense. I can’t keep holding on to an apartment just because I am in love with the kitchen. Or the wallpaper in my bedroom. As much as I hate it, I have to realize the location isn’t exactly ideal anymore. Not sure I won’t live to regret it.

Plans for March

Spend time with kitties! Fucking best plan I’ve had in a while. I miss having a cat soso much.

Also maybe take Provera. Because this has to be PMS. I can’t take it anymore. How do people even live with regular periods??

A post on my favorite topic; Provera + menstruation

Here’s something I google on a fairly regular basis: “effect of Provera”. Or different variations thereof.

For the love of me, I cannot remember what it was like last time, or the time before that, or any specific time for that matter.

Not that it’s always the same. Which I’m thinking is part of the problem. Sometimes it makes me bleed, sometimes it doesn’t. But for the sake of argument let’s say that it does.

What I specifically want to know is at what point in time does Provera make you bleed?

I get zero hits from Google. ZERO. Every time.

So this is to make sure that next time I google “effect of Provera” I’ll up right here.

Should work?

This time, I had been pushing my period back. Because

  1. Discovered my prescription actually says every 4 months (i.e. 3 times a year), not every 3 months, which was what me and Herr Doktor discussed. No matter, fine by me.
  2. This 4 month period was up just as I was heading to Scotland, and it seemed less than convenient, since I have a choice. Judging from the way I feel right now, pushing it back was one of the better ideas I’ve had in my life.

Had planned to push it back further still, because I was going away again, but it slipped my mind/suddenly felt as if I needed to bleed. Combination of confusion an irrationality and there you go.

Also couldn’t remember if it had any premenstrual effects.

There is info on Provera online, you know, the usual, fun side effects and such. Oh. And apparently it’s not vegan. I’m going to have to talk to Herr Doktor about that.

Premenstrual effects

  • FAMISHED up until day 10.
  • Felt as if I was completely drained of energy not only up until the last of my pills (day 12), as well as during period itself.

No mood swings (other than what is normal for me), no tenderness, no acne. Old + PCO; clearly working out for me. Unlike the period itself which is just never what I expect it to be anymore and generally feels exactly like having some sort of infection.

I’m only listing “drained of energy” as an effect because I seem to recall a similar feeling from when I was younger and bleeding on a more regular basis (or as I like to call it on a regularly irregular basis). Jury’s still out, but it seems likely.

Period itself, it starts on day 11. 

In case you’re wondering what this Provera business is; it’s basically hormones that you could be prescribed if you’ve been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries (PCO). It’s used to kickstart your period, because apparently, if you don’t bleed out a few times a year you could get abnormal cell growth in your uterus.

If not for that, I would consider this condition a blessing from the gods.

xo,

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Good riddance; Weekly summary

Fave track off of the new Nick Cave I’ve been listening to on repeat: Girl in Amber. I’m currently enjoying dwelling on sadness; for which this track is perfect.

The line “if you want to leave” sticks with me especially.

My headphones broke. And I panicked. Immediately ordered exact same type, and not until I had paid I realized my order read “will send as soon as they’re back in stock”.

!!! Noooo !!!

Not an exaggerated reaction at all. Especially since I have two other pairs of headphones.

Listened through the That’s Not Metal Architects interview. Much belated. Most memorable part: where they claim there aren’t any bad looking bands anymore. OOOOKKKK. I guess we don’t have the same definition of “bad looking”. Not to mention the fact that some bands, that are great, and maybe not that unpleasant on the eyes, insist on having a typical metal pattern of movement which just makes them completely insufferable to watch. I think that should be considered when talking about whether or not a band looks good.

Panic has been a theme this week. Also panicked when I realized I had to throw away two pairs of my 100 den control top tights. Which lead to ordering new ones from H&M and, as per usual, I just don’t order one item from H&M. Doesn’t happen. Had to order a few more bits while I was at it. So much for the I don’t need to get any more clothes for this fall. Don’t listen to a word I say.

…and then there was Spotify acting up again. Seriously. They’re really trying my patience. It stopped playing the latest Architects’ release (i.e. tracks I have saved on my phone as mp3s). That’s just a deal-breaker. Managed to fix it of course (spent HOURS), but I was in a state of panic

Bothered to read the label on my Provera and realized that I’ve been taking it 4 time a year, when really, I could get away with 3. THREE. This is such good news! Me and Herr Doktor talked about how often I should bleed and agreed on 4 times/year (I don’t even know why he asked me, it’s not as if it’s up to me?), so I don’t know why the label says every 4 months, but I am not about to argue with it. So I’m not starting my Provera this week then.

Fave look of the week: orange + a very blue purple matte shadow. I wake up at about 5.20 in the morning, and as one does, scroll through my Instafeed, sees a brilliant makeup on the NYX cosmetics account which solves my current purple or orange dilemma; combine, combine! Sounds insane but it’s really quite nice, looks kinda like this:

Although the original probably does a better job convincing this doesn’t read like insanity (also doesn’t have to be grungy, but I only do grungy, thought I’d just mention that, because it probably hasn’t been glaringly clear?). Should probably point out I didn’t use my brightest orange but a rather darker, more burnt shade. I so desperately need a good matte palette, i.e. one with some fun shades.

xo,

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Sunday 7

Week started with a few big choices; moving, yes or no? Studying some more, yes or no? I’m going with my favorite answer to the majority of questions: NO. Because I thoroughly enjoy being a negative and bitter old lady. Meanwhile; getting car gets a maybe. Looking into it.

The Amity Affliction released This Could Be Heartbreak on Friday. Found sneak preview of the album on Monday. Managed to listen to it a few times before it was taken down. Boo. They should have left it up, it was excellent advertisement for their Seems Like Forever DVD. Anyway. V.v. catchy record. My fave track is definitely Fight My Regret. Highly recommend giving the record a listen. If for no other reason, so that we can discuss that guitar solo in I Bring the Weather with Me. Is it some sort of…GN’R reference? It just confuses me thoroughly.

So far this year, music has not disappointed me. Quite the opposite. 2017 is going to have a tough time beating this.

Back to work. New office with a new grey desk + black door and I’m a happy camper. + I see this much sky from my window:

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I really don’t ask for much. Best office yet! (Oh God I’ve jinxed it now, haven’t I?) (PS. Blue barracks aren’t going to be there forever, they’re still working on completing this part of the campus.)

Accepted the fact that I can no longer put my makeup on without putting my contacts in first. And even then it’s a struggle to get my eyebrows on straight at ungodly hour in the morning.

As of Tuesday, I’m a Clue Ambassador. 😀 They must have accepted anyone who could bother with filling out the application; but I don’t bloody care. I friggin LOVE Clue. So you know, if you ever feel like talking about menstruation, I’m your gal.

If you don’t know about Clue; it’s a menstruation app you use it to keep track of your cycles. Or in my case; it’s what I use to easily figure out when to take my Provera. If I haven’t bled in approx 90 days I take some Provera to bleed out so that I don’t get abnormal cell growth. Or so my gynecologist tells me.

Visit from sis on Saturday. Went to the stores, bought important things such as much tea, proceeded to drink said tea (one pot each of Irish cream, citrus chai and regular chai; I’m sure you were wondering) while catching up on our fangirl duties, i.e. watched all the videos by the bands on youtube + some Never Mind the Buzzcocks because you cannot be seeing Josh Groban on NMTB too many times.

Been lost in feminist comics all week. Lagging behind on my reading challenge. Oops. Will make sure to get back on track asap. But it’s impossible to resist this reading:

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VISITING AUNT RUTH // There’s so much to do this time of year. I have to send off eighteen cardigans to the church Christmas market. Being in a sewing circle is no easy job. Most people wouldn’t last a day. But I wouldn’t give it up for the world. You see, the sewing circle works as a kind of wall. On the one side: people, including men, kids like you, and morons in general. On the other side: old ladies. Nothing but old ladies! He he he. Did you like the cinnamon rolls? – Yes, thanks aunt Ruth, they were really tasty.

How was your week?

xo,

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Current favorites

recoil architects

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NYX setting spray. No more foundation/BB/CC cream sliding off my face towards lunchtime, it’s going nowhere! Don’t even need an extra dash of powder.

OB tampons. Yes hi, in case you’re new, menstruation is one of my favorite topics. My Provera treatment managed to kick-start my menstruation about a week ago. For reasons unknown I had a different brand of tampons in my bathroom, i.e. not OB. JFC. Not only were they painful to insert (with vaseline!), but, I got up one morning completely confused as to what had happened to my tampon. The string had somehow managed to crawl up inside me. I do not need that at six in the morning. I’m going to be ridiculously loyal to OB from now on. It’s never done that to me. Ever.

No7 Intense Volume waterproof mascara. Ah yes, still loving this mascara. How did I ever get by without a waterproof mascara?

Boots sunscreen. Because if you’re going to go on 2-hour walks, even if it is in the afternoon, you’re going to need some good sun protection.

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Converse. Haven’t owned a pair of Converse for years and years now. Because if you walk a lot you need shoes with some sort of cushioning. But since I am now old and wise, I know the solution to this problem is an insole of the sport variety – I use them in all shoes I can fit them into, because why wouldn’t you? So I thought I’d pull this trick with these shoes too – only Converse is apparently also old and wise – they came with the insole. Extremely happy about that.

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Beans. I go through periods where I just cannot stand another meal with beans, and much prefer fake meats like Quorn; while other periods, beans is the only thing I want. Right now, I want beans for all meals. Currently going through a bag of Pinto beans (I cook the entire bag in one go, divide it into containers and keep in the freezer). Especially loving these beans with rice noodles and lots of roasted green veggies.

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Popcorn. I’m on the verge of a popcorn addiction. I will cut myself off, just going to finish the last of this bag.

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Recoil’s Liquid. Some of my all-time favorite songs are on this record: Breath Control, Want, Last Call for Liquid Courage, and Chrome. I keep looking for music similar to these songs. I’ve exhausted all my resources. Would love any suggestions!

Architects’ All Our Gods Have Abandoned Us. Jag orkar liksom inte hur bra det här bandet är /objektiv åsikt. This record has quickly become one of my favorite records ever. Because 1. the songs seem to belong together, and 2. there are no fillers and, obviously, 3. there isn’t a song on the record that I don’t like. There are surprisingly few records meeting these criteria. Even my favorite record, Tura Satana’s Relief Through Release, has a filler (Negative Creep, Nirvana cover, I like to pretend it’s not there) and the fact that the last track comes with a long silence followed by nonsense, it cannot possibly have made anyone happy ever?

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My home town. We’ve not been getting along brilliantly lately, but give me a grey Saturday morning, when everyone else is still sleeping, and I get the streets all to myself, and I remember why I love this place. I worry that I won’t be staying for much longer tho; best enjoy it while I can.

Love,

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On the subject on menstruation

Just before I stopped menstruating, indefinitely, years ago now, I bought a 100-pack of tampons. Which I’d never done before. Didn’t bleed again for years. On account of having PCO. Apparently.

Finally got around to throwing them away, the doctor gets me Provera and I start bleeding again.

So I bulk up on tampons.

Aaand, Provera fails to make me bleed. Obviously. I get Cerazette instead; you don’t bleed on Cerazette. I throw away my tampons.

Doctor recommends I go back on Provera. Start bleeding almost like a normal person. By which I mean I had irregular periods for maybe 6 months? Without taking hormones that is. I’ve yet again ended up with a bunch of tampons. Not on purpose, I was away, started bleeding, had no tampons, had to buy a bunch, and I had a bunch at home too.

Yes. I’m now on day 101 of no bleeding. Bathroom cabinet full of tampons. But I’m on to you this time! I am keeping ALL OF my tampons. Because that is apparently how this works.

Love,

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PS. I find it hilarious that Clue is ever the optimist. Just guess for how long it’s been saying next cycle starts tomorrow. I don’t blame it, how could it possibly know? I love the app either way. I don’t need to know when my cycle starts, I just need to keep track of when I last bled.

 

Healthy vegan snack

gin two-ingredient oat+banana cookies water melon

Or it would have been healthy. If I hadn’t eaten all the cookies, not just the three banana + oat + cinnamon cookies you see here, and if that glass of watermelon + apple/rosmary water did not have a splash of gin in it.

Brain is literally zero per cent interested in being healthy right now. More like the exact opposite. Could I blame the Provera?

xo,

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