Current hair routine

I’ve been thinking. About my hair routine. As one does.

This is by no means a how-to, it’s merely an observation. And an ode to cold water. Cold water people!

While I’m not much of a minimalist in general, I feel my hair routine is almost there.

Hair wash every 3 days


I use either a hydrating salon shampoo, or, my current fave, Maria Nila Soft, followed by a Maria Nila hair masque and/or the Maria Nila conditioner mixed with Lush’s Retread.

I mix the two conditioners because unfortunately, the Lush conditioner does nothing for me, but I do like the smell. And it seems stupid to just throw it away?

Do I have to justify not using more budget-friendly products? I feel I do. I also feel I can’t. What can I say, I’ve bought into the whole more expensive = better. I might be imagining things, it’s not as if I’ve done a study.

But do you know what I still find is far more important than ANY of this?

All of this is just cancelled out if I skip this one step:


When washing the hair, finish by rinsing it in cold water. Well actually, I just wash my hair in cold water these days. I swear to you that it makes more of a difference than any choice of product. The question is, if I’ll stick it out in the winter too. I usually don’t.

Cold water is only topped by good genes. Which I don’t have. And PCO to boot. So. Yay?

Leave to dry

I rarely blow dry my hair. Which I use as an excuse to…

Straighten & volumize

Trade-off! Blow drier for straightener.

I do straighten my hair post washing. So twice a week then. I have this lovely GA.MA. straightener, it is the best ever.


I also have a crappy (much newer) GA.MA. straightener. It’s pink. Not the reason it’s bad obvs. It feels like it gets caught up in your hair as you straighten it. Whereas this red/black version just goes smoothly through your hair.

And use a volume master. It is good, but absolutely vile to look at. Cleaning it, at this point, does not help.

For heat protection I use Maria Nila (well duh) and Lee Stafford. Did think the Lee Stafford was less than great initially, but now we get along just fine. Which is good; it smells divine. I’d wear it as a perfume for sure.

No dry shampoo, no styling products

I quit the dry shampoo when I started volumizing again, becaaauuuseee…volumizing keeps your hair feeling fairly clean, i.e. not oily, for a good number of days; it seemed redundant to do both.

But I do sometimes (often) wear it up. Because I see it as my mission in life to be inappropriate. As in be 35, wear hair as if you’re 5. Space buns, high pony, different half-ups, pig tails, braids…I do all of it.

I also wear a pony tail to bed. Reason: when I ovulate I get nightly sweats that get really bad if I wear my hair down. The body is just a goddamn mystery… And anyway. Makes the hair less flat + straightening lasts better.

Hair dye approx. once a month


Manic Panic’s Vampire Red is my color of choice because a. vegan + cruelty free, and b. it’s a semi-permanent, could practically be considered a treatment, and c. you don’t have to bleach first. I mean you could, but you don’t have to.

Thought it was about time, you know, after 6 months of dying, to read up on the best way to do it. There’s plenty info out there if you can be bothered to look. Which, mostly, I can’t. Because I’m of the Instructions?! I don’t read the instructions! school of thought.


I’ve just got myself the amplified version of the Manic Panic Vampire Red + the tool kit, and carefully studied the wiki how-to.


Currently of the persuasion not a necessity. But then I want it long and grungy. So that I can swing it about as if I’m Jonathan Davis. (Too much Korn? There is no such thing!)

Sometimes I wonder just who I think I am. This is one such time.

I might give the hair the occasional trim. When brushing become an actual struggle. Then I might.

Speaking of which.


I go through periods where I think brushing is kind of overkill. But if I do, I use one of these two guys:


Comb for when the hair is wet and I don’t want it to dry funny. The bamboo brush is highly underrated. I don’t know what you all are doing running around with your plastic brushes. I am never going back!

It is possible I’m imagining things, but it feels as if -any- plastic brush adds static electricity. That seems kind of counterproductive?

Current state of hair


For being me: probably the best it’s been. Ever. Also the longest it’s been for ten years.

So now. I’m just waiting for it to go gray, forcing me to change the routine entirely because who knows how it’ll behave then??

But also. Can’t wait! Imagine all the pastels you’ll be able to throw at it and not bleach?!

Vegan protein banana pancakes

You might have noticed I’m a bit obsessed with pancakes. Tiny bit.

Most recent version was a result of the following:

Watched a video about PCOS. Person in video claimed that if you suffer from PCOS you should count calories for 3 days, because that is knowledge you need. How many cals you consume on a daily basis. My Ed*: Counting calories you say!? We must!

I know this makes no sense. Not only because lousy reason but because:

a) I don’t have PCOS, I have PCO, not the same.
b) Even my PCO status is unclear, currently bleeding approximately every 2 months, highly regular for being me.
c) Nobody needs to count calories ever.

But I’m at a place right now where I’m listening to Ed. I get Lifesum (again) been using (far longer than 3 days).

Lifesum will also show you percentages of carbs, protein and fat.

In general, I strongly believe you don’t need to make special efforts to get protein into your diet if you’re vegan. Who ever heard of anyone dying from protein deficiency around these parts?? Nobody that’s who. It doesn’t happen. Make sure to have some B12 supplements, and iron if you’re struggling with iron uptake, the latter goes for any diet, and you’re good to go!

Despite this, my reaction is 10% protein!? My hair will fall out! Clearly, what I do suffer from is anxiety. And a bad case of unreasonable.

I’m upping my protein like a woman possessed.

Here’s an easy way to pack 20 g of protein into one (vegan) meal:

Find yourself a nice protein powder. My choice: a rice protein, because it doesn’t taste anything. Take 20 g of your protein powder of choice, 30 g flour, 1 tsp baking soda, pinch of salt, 1 banana, 50 g soygurt, if you want a thick batter, if not, use water or any type plant milk instead. Optional: bit of flaxseeds.

You could mix by hand, but I prefer using a blender.

Gives you about 5 small pancakes. And yes, they’re supposed to look like that. I ♥ rustic.

Serve with raspberries sprinkled with a wee bit of ginger, maybe a bit of agave and cinnamon.


*Ed is a pet name for eating disorder.

Why I stopped being vegan

I love YouTube. It frequently makes me feel Oh good, it’s not just me!

Which is a main reason why I keep watching Why I stopped beaing vegan videos, because been there, done that.

I love Why I stopped being vegan videos. It’s just a long list of poor and uninformed excuses to start eating meat again, which makes me feel confident that going back to a vegan diet was the right choice.

I’m not blaming them by any means! As mentioned, I did that too once (except for I never went meat-eater, I went pescetarian.) Being vegan is breaking a habit and it’s hard, especially is you don’t have many vegans in your immediate environment.

There was one girl I watched (why would anyone watch anything but girls on YouTube?) who had a reason that was almost convincing. Binge eater, felt restricted on a vegan diet, stopped. I get it. But I also think she should give it another go. There are lots and lots of things you can eat as a vegan! You just need to get into the habit, which I admit will take time, just don’t give up! Erm, right…

Coincidentally stumbled on another binge eater who stopped being vegan. Unfortunately unaware of her ED, unfortunately presented probably the worst excuse I’ve heard so far. Basically, she decided that vegans are all spreading lies, the majority of animals are treated well at farms, and so it’s OK to eat.

Right. Yes. Vegans, they make much money on spreading misinformation about conditions on farms (???). Whereas the farmers…don’t?

Also. Could someone please explain to me how it’s OK to eat an animal because it’s had a good life. I mean does this apply to humans too? Any human killed who’s had a good life, it’s OK? Oh no dear, this is no tragedy, the children killed in the accident all had a good life.

This girl had another brilliant reason. Namely, a low iron value. Which she explained while having her protein powder.


So you’re telling me you know about protein powder but not iron supplements? PS. HI, I also struggle with iron absorption, yes also genetic, my mum + sis have it too. And they’re omnivores. Not to mention, last time I had my iron checked I was on a vegan diet, not taking -any- supplements and my iron value was just fine – better than when I was having dairy and fish mind you! My guess: if your iron is low it’s because you’re starving. I. Should. Know.

I do wonder tho. If you have a fitness channel, which I understand as a keen interest in health, should you not be aware of the research pointing to the benefits of a vegan diet not to mention the fact that you are suffering from an eating disorder? I’m just. Confused.

OK, I lie, I’m kinda upset. I was staring at this video in disblief for all of the 15 minutes it lasted. How does this channel have hundres of thousands of subscribers? Are people that uncritical? Or they subscribe in spite of?

At the same time…I take comfort in knowing that people don’t always make the most informed decisions. Who can’t relate to that?? There are so many choices to be made, you will be making a bunch of them on a whim. Which is fine, but arguing that in fact was not on a whim, now that just seems daft.

Speaking of research and vegan; did also stumble on a channel that a. frequently referred to research and b. claimed that there is now research pointing to being vegan is the best for PCO. So you know, good news for me!

If we’re being honest, there are so many reasons to be vegan. So. Many. It’s really just a matter of finding the one that will convince you. For me, it’s not the maltreatment of animals, I mean partly, but it’s not the main one, it’s also no the waste of resources – what do I care if mankind dies? It’s the  paying people to kill animals I have a problem with. The actual giving of the money. Such awful behaviour should not be enouraged.

And clearly, I’m also a cheap bastard.

That and I was brainwashed. Repeatedly watching people making vegan food going nomnom! I’m a simple kind of person.

Dear March,

We were not off to a good start, were we? Car that needed fixing, coworkers clearly trying to kill me by dumping all of their work on me and going off on holidays (???), and then cats being sicker than usual – such fun SUCH FUN.

There were a few things that didn’t suck though.


Casey released a video for Little Bird (track off their 2016 release Love is not enough).

Not sure if it’s objectively good or if I’m just being a fangirl.

The new Johannes Oerding is everything you want from Johannes:

Best track all March tho, the new Robyn track. If there is one track from March 2017 you need in your life it’s Robyn’s Honey:

Been double-checking if the full track has been released like a woman possessed. Quite embarrassing really. If it wasn’t released on Friday it’s probably not going to be released on Saturday morning either, now is it?


Siri Pettersen’s Röta ♥♥♥



I got more shoes. (SIGH.) If you’re going to be a mindful shopper, you need to not watch hauls. I don’t so much anymore. Not as an active decision it just lost its appeal. Partly because I actually, sometimes, like what I find in my closet and have no need to buy more stuff, and partly because I’m not sure where to even fit more stuff and still be able to find said stuff, and if you’re not in the market for another item, hauls aren’t that much fun.

Except when it’s Helen Anderz. I’ll watch pretty much anything she puts out. In the end. Sometimes I’m a bit like “weeellllll.. I don’t really need to know how to dye your hair purple because that’s not something I’m going to be doing”.

However. Helen’s videos can be watched even if the content isn’t on the top of your list of interests. They’re that good.

Alright then. That quickly turned into some sort of poorly disguised fangirl rant. Point was: she hauled platform canvas boots and I couldn’t resist. A boot for summer you say!? I needs it!


On the screen

Just kiss my frog on YouTube. I don’t know how I haven’t stumbled on this channel sooner. I am so in love. Leena posts videos on books, feminism, cruelty free makeup, and her PCOS. Basically, all of my top interests, and she does it so, so well.

Example! Tips for your TBR:

And I really, really want to recommend this old video too, which is a defense of makeup, she makes a convincing argument I feel.

…but somebody please inform her that Not Another Happy Ending is not set in Edinburgh. It’s basically a commercial for Glasgow. I should know, it’s the reason I’ve watched it. I would comment. Only. I hate people who only comment to correct someone else. I don’t want to be that person.

Feud. The story didn’t appeal much to me so I only started watching it as a result of nothing more to watch, but oh, now, I am so in love. The combination of feminism, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Lange and a bit of history is just brilliant.


Oatmeal. If I could eat one thing only for the rest of my life it’d be oatmeal. I’ve been having it for breakfast and dinner on a regular basis. Also a good way to save a bit of extra money, if that’s something you’re interested in.


Left the Lush hair treatment Jasmine And Henna Fluff-Eaze on for an hour + (sister called, and I have my priorities straight) turns out it was just what my hair needed. Similarly…

Maria Nila Color Refresh in the shade autumn red. My god. My hair was never this shiny! And the red is just about perfection. V. v. impressed. One only wishes they’d start doing actual hair dye too.

I correctly predicted when my period was going to turn up. All by myself! Sans any sort of tool. I love Clue and all, but it does feel kind of great to be able to figure things out with your very own brain box, no training or outside help necessary. I’m all for the collecting data, finding patterns, figuring things out, but on a personal level, it’s a releif that I can rely on my brain for something at least. Gives me some sort of hope.

Nina Björk’s reply to Sigrid Aliki’s text in Bang. I’m not usually impressed with the academic rhetorics, but for Björk I will make an exception. Not only eloquent, but also convincing. Not to mention relieved; clearly I needn’t feel bad I didn’t quite manage to get through Aliki’s text. (Yes HI blind faith, Nina Björk is one of my many gods. For those of you unfamiliar with Swedish culture, Björk is one of our best known feminists, she’s an academic and frequently uses feminist theory to analyse literature. Basically.)

Plans for April

  1. First gig of the year!? I’m seeing Little Jinder. And I’m not even traveling for it! Last time I didn’t travel for a gig was…2011 or 2012. Jonathan Johansson, Pipeline, the Klagomuren tour. Which was brilliant. Might have mentioned that before.
  2. THANK GOD FOR EASTER. I need days and days off. Want to save my holidays for the winter tho, not sure work will let me. But maybe I should ask how they’d feel about me taking say all of March off next year? This is one useless month.

In which I use a nomination to rant about menstruation


Lovely Lise has nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award, and you’re all about to regret it.


You have to thank the person who nominated you for this award and provide a link to their blog.

Link the nominees and inform them about their nomination.

Nominate at least 15 bloggers of your choice

Share 7 facts about yourself.

Them rules are structured real weirdly. Also, stating some obvious stuff. I don’t approve.

But no matter! I’m going to use this nomination to rant on my favorite topic: menstruation.

  1. I’m currently on day 68 in my cycle. For me, it’s perfectly normal, having PCO and all.
  2. My last cycle was 46 days, and my period was 7 days long. I wasn’t happy about that. I usually get away with 90–120-day-cycles and 3 days of bleeding.
  3. As I’m growing older, my PMS and my periods are basically growing more unpredicable. SUCH FUN.
  4. Currently, I seem to be on week 4 of PMS. Which doesn’t seem to make sense, who has 4 weeks of PMS?? But it’s either that or I’ve got some sort of serious illness. Which I simply do not believe because I’m prone to hypochondria. Also considered if it could be menopause. Can’t find any evidence that it could be.
  5. If science focused on women’s bodies to any extent, I’m sure there’d be some way to tell if this in fact is PMS; I could take my Provera, have my bleeding and be done with it. But because I doubt it just a tiny bit, I don’t want to take hormones unless absolutely necessary (if it is in fact PMS I will be bleeding eventually); I hear hormones are bad for the environment, and also, if it doesn’t work, I’m going to have my period and feel crap on top of that? I don’t think so! So PLEASE if you have a period go use the Clue app so that we can collect some data and figure this shit out.
  6. Main PMS symptom currently bothering me the most: waking up in a pool of my own sweat. Like what the fuck. It COULD be that my building is just well-heated. I mean it is, because I’m never cold when at home and pretty much anywhere else always. At least I’ve figured out that if I open a window before going to bed and leaving it open just a bit throughout the night + put my hair in a high pony I’m fine. At least so far. It is still winter after all. Not sure what will happen once winter is over…
  7. Other fun PMS symptoms: joint and breast ache, throwing fits of rage about just about anything, you know, phone not starting up quickly enough, someone having moved your salt, painkillers not having the desired effect, in addition to feeling as if you’re running a fever, soar throat, having to go to bed at nine to not wake up still feeling exhausted and furious that you have to get up, HUNGER for ALL THE THINGS (is my doctor SURE I haven’t PCOS, like really??), being constantly reminded that you have ovaries because goddammit, I CAN FEEL THEM, that’s not right. It’s not as if I sit around feeling my liver.

There! I’m sure that’s exactly the type of facts the creator of this award had in mind. And my apologies to Lise too. I dare say, I’ve effectively made sure that I will be nominated again.

If you feel like sharing 7 facts about your period, consider yourself nominated! (Rules? What rules??)

A day in life; Saturday

I can barely remember the last weekend I was not out and about. Been looking forward just not be traveling for weeks and weeks; not least because my laundry situation has now become unmanageable.

Without further ado, let me take you through my v. v. exciting Saturday!

First things first, a quick shower with these guys:


I am in love with the Soap & Glory shower gel. A) the built-in lotion actually works, I don’t have to moisture up after showering, and B) the scent is so nice. I love the strongly artificial scents too, but this, this is such a lovely well-balanced and quiet scent.

The facial scrub is my current favorite; such a big fan of the charcoal in general, makes my skin happy.

Let’s also quickly mention the post-shower duo:


Bought the cucumber moisturizing cream in a panic; was in the UK, hadn’t enough day cream, just grabbed one in the store.

While I love the cucumber scent, this moisturizer is not for me.

It’s more moisture than I need. Which led to the buying of the far less moisturizing shine control gel. Turns out, not enough moisturizing. WAS TUN? As Blixa would say.

Obviously, you mix them!

Also mixed my greasiest hand lotion and runniest foot lotion into the perfect foot lotion. Apparently it’s how I roll.

Moving on!

Outfit of the day from the most flattering angle giving you pretty much no idea of what it is/looks like:


So I will tell you, this is a pair of black leggings from Vero Moda, best waist ever, a long vest from H&M (they’re claiming it’s a dress, I’m having none of it), a long black cardigan with pockets (!important), it’s so old it’s not exactly lying calling it vintage, and of course, double socks. There are slippers in my wardrobe, but I much prefer the double sock.

Typical Christmastime breakfast table in my house:


I’m having oatmeal porridge (basically served as a pudding), with a banana, some lingonberry jam, shredded coconut, clove (current fave spice), cinnamon and some walnuts. Glass of water and my usual vitamins: iron, zinc, B and D.

..or actually D is a recent addition. I’ve bought into the whole it’s so dark in Sweden we need lots of extra D. One can only wonder how we ever got by before the invention of supplements.

While I wait for the porridge to cool I whip up some saffron granola, looks like this:


Next on the agenda: move car + buy washer fluid for said car.

I’m moving my car because I’m parking in the street until a parking space becomes available, and APPARENTLY, where I live, as in the whole town, we have alternate-side parking.

Best part: they don’t even have to put up signs on the street letting you know. You should just know. Magically I assume.

Did I get a ticket on Wednesday and am I still upset about it? YES.

Good news: I now know EVERYTHING there is to know about the evil that is alternate-side parking.

But that was Wednesday, back to Saturday!

Long as this is the weather, I’m not unhappy about being forced outside. Looks kinda frosty, but it really wasn’t that cold.

The whole moving car buying washer fluid business taken care of, I can settle down with Odinsbarn + Musikhjälpen on the telly. And I obviously have to try out the granola; it is exactly as good as it looks. Highly recommended! Absolutely worth the effort.

I catch up on some YouTube; noticed Rachel Aust has done a few videos on PCOS. V. v. interesting. My PCO really is nothing like PCOS; I’ve got no acne, the hormones they’ve thrown at me have had little/no negative side effects, carbs are not my enemy (unlike PB, i.e. fats), and considering how little exercise I take, I develop muscles quite easily. Just imagine if I put my mind to it, really made an effort, if I was at least a little competitive.

Time for lunch! I’m making a favorite: purple cabbage roasted in creme of artichokes (what really? that’s what it’s called?) and some wasabi sesame spice + ginger, pasta, white beans, and aubergine puree.


I watch episode 3 of The Crown and then I’m not sure what to do, so I start packing for Monday. Because I’ve somehow not managed to get out of the rice pudding dinner we’re having at work. I’m going to be late though because I’m going to the gym. I THOUGHT IF I DIDN’T ACCEPT THE MEETING IN OUTLOOK IT’D BE ASSUMED I WASN’T GOING, WHY IS THAT NOT THE CASE???

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my colleagues. What I hate is myself in social situations. If we could all just gather and talk about the latest Nick Cave release, or Bring Me the Horizon in general, I’d be fine, why can’t we do that??

Anyway. In addition to packing my gym costume I’m packing shorts and a black jumper + favorite scarf to wear to the dinner. Thank god I have a car. Lugging around luggage, I’m over it.


I also decide to try out a new look: a green cream eyeshadow, dash of a gold colored one + black lip. Yea… It probably sounds worse than it was. Because the green isn’t that green, maybe a bit much together with the red hair tho, either way. You’re spared evidence on account of the lighting in my apartment is so bad at this time of day there’s no way you could even tell that shadow’s green, so then what’s the point?

Skype with mum for about an hour. Summary: everyone else are terrible drivers and our cats are really old.

I’m packing up to do all of that laundry. I worry there isn’t enough time for all of this:


It’s also time to start thinking about dinner. My brain just wants pasta. Or candy. If there was candy that would be my dinner. Glass of wine, is that dinner?

Saffron scones + glass of wine! It’s dinner. (PS. intuitive eating = best diet. It’s a fact.)


The rest of the evening I’ll just spend switching between Odinsbarn, Musikhjälpen, telly and laundry room.

This was exactly the Saturday I needed.


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A post on my favorite topic; Provera + menstruation

Here’s something I google on a fairly regular basis: “effect of Provera”. Or different variations thereof.

For the love of me, I cannot remember what it was like last time, or the time before that, or any specific time for that matter.

Not that it’s always the same. Which I’m thinking is part of the problem. Sometimes it makes me bleed, sometimes it doesn’t. But for the sake of argument let’s say that it does.

What I specifically want to know is at what point in time does Provera make you bleed?

I get zero hits from Google. ZERO. Every time.

So this is to make sure that next time I google “effect of Provera” I’ll up right here.

Should work?

This time, I had been pushing my period back. Because

  1. Discovered my prescription actually says every 4 months (i.e. 3 times a year), not every 3 months, which was what me and Herr Doktor discussed. No matter, fine by me.
  2. This 4 month period was up just as I was heading to Scotland, and it seemed less than convenient, since I have a choice. Judging from the way I feel right now, pushing it back was one of the better ideas I’ve had in my life.

Had planned to push it back further still, because I was going away again, but it slipped my mind/suddenly felt as if I needed to bleed. Combination of confusion an irrationality and there you go.

Also couldn’t remember if it had any premenstrual effects.

There is info on Provera online, you know, the usual, fun side effects and such. Oh. And apparently it’s not vegan. I’m going to have to talk to Herr Doktor about that.

Premenstrual effects

  • FAMISHED up until day 10.
  • Felt as if I was completely drained of energy not only up until the last of my pills (day 12), as well as during period itself.

No mood swings (other than what is normal for me), no tenderness, no acne. Old + PCO; clearly working out for me. Unlike the period itself which is just never what I expect it to be anymore and generally feels exactly like having some sort of infection.

I’m only listing “drained of energy” as an effect because I seem to recall a similar feeling from when I was younger and bleeding on a more regular basis (or as I like to call it on a regularly irregular basis). Jury’s still out, but it seems likely.

Period itself, it starts on day 11. 

In case you’re wondering what this Provera business is; it’s basically hormones that you could be prescribed if you’ve been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries (PCO). It’s used to kickstart your period, because apparently, if you don’t bleed out a few times a year you could get abnormal cell growth in your uterus.

If not for that, I would consider this condition a blessing from the gods.


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Good riddance; Weekly summary

Fave track off of the new Nick Cave I’ve been listening to on repeat: Girl in Amber. I’m currently enjoying dwelling on sadness; for which this track is perfect.

The line “if you want to leave” sticks with me especially.

My headphones broke. And I panicked. Immediately ordered exact same type, and not until I had paid I realized my order read “will send as soon as they’re back in stock”.

!!! Noooo !!!

Not an exaggerated reaction at all. Especially since I have two other pairs of headphones.

Listened through the That’s Not Metal Architects interview. Much belated. Most memorable part: where they claim there aren’t any bad looking bands anymore. OOOOKKKK. I guess we don’t have the same definition of “bad looking”. Not to mention the fact that some bands, that are great, and maybe not that unpleasant on the eyes, insist on having a typical metal pattern of movement which just makes them completely insufferable to watch. I think that should be considered when talking about whether or not a band looks good.

Panic has been a theme this week. Also panicked when I realized I had to throw away two pairs of my 100 den control top tights. Which lead to ordering new ones from H&M and, as per usual, I just don’t order one item from H&M. Doesn’t happen. Had to order a few more bits while I was at it. So much for the I don’t need to get any more clothes for this fall. Don’t listen to a word I say.

…and then there was Spotify acting up again. Seriously. They’re really trying my patience. It stopped playing the latest Architects’ release (i.e. tracks I have saved on my phone as mp3s). That’s just a deal-breaker. Managed to fix it of course (spent HOURS), but I was in a state of panic

Bothered to read the label on my Provera and realized that I’ve been taking it 4 time a year, when really, I could get away with 3. THREE. This is such good news! Me and Herr Doktor talked about how often I should bleed and agreed on 4 times/year (I don’t even know why he asked me, it’s not as if it’s up to me?), so I don’t know why the label says every 4 months, but I am not about to argue with it. So I’m not starting my Provera this week then.

Fave look of the week: orange + a very blue purple matte shadow. I wake up at about 5.20 in the morning, and as one does, scroll through my Instafeed, sees a brilliant makeup on the NYX cosmetics account which solves my current purple or orange dilemma; combine, combine! Sounds insane but it’s really quite nice, looks kinda like this:

Although the original probably does a better job convincing this doesn’t read like insanity (also doesn’t have to be grungy, but I only do grungy, thought I’d just mention that, because it probably hasn’t been glaringly clear?). Should probably point out I didn’t use my brightest orange but a rather darker, more burnt shade. I so desperately need a good matte palette, i.e. one with some fun shades.


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Veganism and binge eating; Let’s talk about it

In a previous post I mentioned wanting to get back to Reclaiming Yourself from Binge Eating at a later time. Well this is one such later time.

I want to discuss the connection between binge eating and being vegan/vegetarian. I need to discuss this.

In Reclaiming Yourself from Binge Eating the author Leora Fulvio gives the following brilliant suggestion: if you binge eat, and you’re on a vegan or vegetarian diet, you should abandon this diet. She uses herself as an example. She was vegetarian, started eating meat and she stopped binging.

That’s. An interesting hypothesis lacking in evidence. If I understand this book correctly, Fulvio is a professional, i.e. she has some sort of degree qualifying her to help people with eating disorders. I’m assuming she’s been to uni. And she thinks that she can make claims based on her own experience? I.e. not based on research? Mmmkay. My experience is that if you do that at uni they’ll have your head.

But you know, two can play that game. If we accept her argument as valid, I have a counter argument that must be equally valid.

My binge eating pre-dates my vegetarianism/veganism. I can recall having episodes of binge eating from the age of 10. At 14 I became a vegetarian. I know for a fact that while I did have ethical reasons, I did also think that it was a real clever way to further restrict, because no one would know that was what you were doing. Looking back, I realize it made no difference what so ever because I never liked meat much anyway. But that’s not the point, the point is, I don’t binge because of vegetarianism. I mean clearly, I started that way before.

I was vegetarian from the age of 14 until early 20s. At some point I reintroduced fish and I was pescetarian for years. I did not stop binging then.

Now. A few years ago I started a vegan diet. For the first time. I was vegan, stopped, and now I’m back on the vegan food. Second time. And if you’re wondering how you can be vegan and then stop: because you are stuck thinking that a new diet is a solution to a problem. Especially when media in general strongly advice anyone and everyone, regardless of circumstances, to be on a high (animal) protein diet. If you’re caught up in the vicious circle that is binge eating you are highly susceptible to any type diet propaganda.

I also had an additional excuse; I reintroduced fish, dairy and eggs in my diet after having been diagnosed with PCO. Since my doctor was only concerned with assuring me that it did not mean I couldn’t get pregnant, and by the way: a) didn’t ask, b) the hell am I supposed to ‘have no problem becoming pregnant’ if I don’t ovulate? and c) I’m not sure I trust you much – I did my own research. Apparently, there are studies indicating a connection between being vegetarian at an early age and PCO, because of a zinc deficiency. So you know, my clever brain figured I must be on the wrong diet. It does that. A lot.

Again, did not stop binging. 

I did genuinely  think, up until quite recently, that the reason for my behavior was because I was not eating properly/wasn’t strict enough with my food intake, thus trying to rectify my behavior via a number of different diets. I’ve now learned this only fuels the disorder. Fantastic. While, at the back of my mind, I do think the vegetarian/vegan (let’s just call it vegan from now on) diet is a clever way to make some foods off limit no part of me thinks it leads to weight loss. (Hello, I can still have ALL the peanut butter.) No part of me feels restricted by a vegan diet. I should probably add that I didn’t decide to go vegan this time, I was just going to cut out dairy to see if it improved my iron uptake, which as I’ve found out, it did. But then it just didn’t seem to make any sense to keep eating the fish and the eggs. So you know, accidentally vegan? Trying to make sure I stay that way this time by e.g. watching Cowspiracy and, more importantly, Earthlings (wept for 30 minutes straight, at which point I turned it off because it seems unreasonable to keep watching something that makes you cry non-stop). Current feelings: I’d rather not support that industry.

Back to the point. I don’t think I’m unique in this by any means; in my case the vegan diet isn’t what causes the disordered eating, it was already there.

But sure, if being on a vegan diet makes you feel restricted then I agree with Fulvio. For me at least, it seems that my binging has more to do with feeling restricted than what I actually eat or not eat. Being vegan doesn’t make me feel restricted. I have a long list of things that do, however. Maybe I’ll get back to that another time.



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On the subject on menstruation

Just before I stopped menstruating, indefinitely, years ago now, I bought a 100-pack of tampons. Which I’d never done before. Didn’t bleed again for years. On account of having PCO. Apparently.

Finally got around to throwing them away, the doctor gets me Provera and I start bleeding again.

So I bulk up on tampons.

Aaand, Provera fails to make me bleed. Obviously. I get Cerazette instead; you don’t bleed on Cerazette. I throw away my tampons.

Doctor recommends I go back on Provera. Start bleeding almost like a normal person. By which I mean I had irregular periods for maybe 6 months? Without taking hormones that is. I’ve yet again ended up with a bunch of tampons. Not on purpose, I was away, started bleeding, had no tampons, had to buy a bunch, and I had a bunch at home too.

Yes. I’m now on day 101 of no bleeding. Bathroom cabinet full of tampons. But I’m on to you this time! I am keeping ALL OF my tampons. Because that is apparently how this works.


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PS. I find it hilarious that Clue is ever the optimist. Just guess for how long it’s been saying next cycle starts tomorrow. I don’t blame it, how could it possibly know? I love the app either way. I don’t need to know when my cycle starts, I just need to keep track of when I last bled.