In which I’ve made a mistake

Ach nee.

Have you listened to the All These Countless Nights track by track commentary?

Don’t.

Just don’t.

The commentary to the brilliant track Pensacola, 2013 makes me think of this post:

Ibland kan jag vara så förbannad på en pojkvän jag haft. Att han tog sig rätten att göra anspråk på mig och att han inte gjorde slut när han märkte att jag for illa i relationen. Jag var i ett stadie där det var svårt för mig att vakta mina egna gränser. Jag ville bara ha kärlek, hans kärlek (för det var den enda jag visste). Han var inte kapabel att ge mig det jag behövde, och ändå var han kvar mer mig i år efter år. Fortsatte göra anspråk på mig år efter år. Trots att han såg ner på mig, trots att han tyckte att jag gjorde allt fel, så envisades han med att vara med mig. Ja, jag borde ha gjort slut, men jag hade inte styrkan. Jag älskade jag honom. Jag ville ju försöka. Det var från honom passiviteten kom. Han borde ha lämnat mig trots att jag bad honom att stanna. För att det är det enda barmhärtiga att göra i en sådan situation. Uppbrottet smärtar oavsett, men det totala lidandet blir mindre ju kortare relationen är. Jag tror att män gör så för att de är fega. De är rädda för att vara ensamma. Och priset de betalar för en relation är inte lika högt. Men offret för deras feghet är kvinnan.

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It reads: Instead of ending the relationship I thought I’d just neglect it. That way, I can suck you dry of your last love and not have to do anything myself. And also, I’ll avoid all the pesky feelings of breaking up. 

I don’t want anything I like to remind me of this post. I just don’t.

I blame the radio. I usually try to avoid track by track commentaries because they tend to be a painful listen, but since radio has been equally painful since one radio show host presented the well-informed opinion that we should eat bacon because it tastes good, I can’t stand radio either. And I just wanted to listen to someone talking.

Mistake. Clearly.

Det var då ett jävla tjat om hopp

Självklart har vi favoriten Gone with the Wind och raden hope is a prison, men också Untitled av samma band Hope is a dangerous thing. Tydligen lider de av ett behov att definiera begreppet.

Deaf Havana vill ha mer hopp: I’m not a pessimist but sometimes hope is missed or missing.

Roddy Hart har däremot massor av hopp I have such high hopes for you. Lite av en anomali i den här samlingen.

Ingen är såklart lika besatt av hopp som Amity Affliction. I n g e n. De verkar också ha ett ambivalent förhållande till hopp.

I Farewell menar man att There’s no hope left for me. Fast i början av samma skiva, spår tre för att vara exakt, tyckte man däremot att There is hope in my eyes; there is hope in these words. 

Ja alltså egentligen. Så skulle man ju kunna göra en hel lång lista av bara Amity, det finns många MÅNGA exempel att ta av. Från hela deras produktion.

Perfekt uppsatsämne, om det nu är något man är intresserad av.

This has been a quick course in how to alienate any readers; suddenly and without warning switch language.

— END OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE POST —

Which, by the way, I think there are far to few of.

The struggles of an introvert

When you are a social retard and spend most of your time trying to work your life so that you’ll have as few IRL encounters with people as humanly possible, as any social situation always and without fail will make you feel, well, retarded, going to a gig is not a straight-forward process.

It has to be carefully researched, to make sure that it will be worthwhile braving crowds of people. You can’t just go because you like the band.

Heavens no.

Currently trying to figure out if I can/should/want to see Korn. Listening habits suggest attendance is mandatory:

There is no such thing as too much Korn

…but a number of other factors also need to be considered.

Can I have time off work? This includes would I call in sick for this band? Because I’m in the habit of making all arrangements and then asking for time off.

The times I’ve not gone on account of being unable to have time off are v. v. few.

I missed out on Amity Affliction in Gothenburg last year because work was making me go to Finland on a goddamn boat. But then they played a second date in Sweden later the same year, which I’ve mentioned going to here. So I can’t actually complain.

As for Korn, conveniently enough, they’re in Sweden during my summer holidays. So I already have time off. Perfect?

Where are they even playing? Now this is frequently where I find an excuse not to go. I strongly dislike most venues/cities.

This works in two ways; is it important enough for me to see this band live that I’m willing to overlook the poor choice of venue in addition to being in close proximity to people?

But sometimes, only somtimes, the venue itself is a reason to go. We’re talking about the classics. For example. If Korn were playing Barrowland Ballroom (in Glasgow obvs.), I’d have to go. (Where they did play this tour: SSE Hydro in Glasgow. Which was before I developed this obsession, i.e. was never an option.)

Where are they playing in August? Grönalund in Stockholm. Yea, that’s an amusement park. Venues don’t really get any worse than that. And, as I might have mentioned before, once, twice, fifty eleven times, I’m not a fan of Stockholm.

Bonus: you can’t get tickets in advance. If you want to go, get there early early early, stand in line as if it’s 1992. Not sure it’s something I do? I want to argue I’m too old, but if so, I was –always– too old for that.

Cost cost cost? This isn’t such a big deal, because when you travel to see the band the ticket is usually a minor cost. However, stupid choice of venue + 800 SEK ticket, that’s a NO in the majority of cases. Nick Cave + the Globe + 800 SEK tickets = No. For example.

The one thing that is good about Korn playing Grönalund: you only pay admission to the park. I.e. practically for free.

Worth noting: Elton John recently played Grönan. Chaos ensued, people complained about not being able to get in. Oh gee, what a surprise, who could have seen that coming???

I’ve no idea if Korn are as popular as Elton John in Sweden. I want to say no, because the heavy type of music doesn’t seem to be particularly popular in Sweden right now. But WHO KNOWS? It’s not as if they play anything even similar on the radio, which could have been some sort of indication.

What are they even playing? I like to check setlists. Some people like the surprise; I like to know that this particular setup of men are secure enough in themselves to not feel forced to be old-school and demonstrate that they’re much heavier than their latest release. As if there’s an equal sign between heavy and good. I’m not saying the opposite is true either. Just play what you’ve just created, ‘s all. Maybe with a few hits thrown in for good measure, that should do it.

In the case of Korn. At most, 4 songs from their latest release (depends if they’re doing festival or regular show setlist). None from The Paradigm Shift. I’m not surprised, just not happy about it.

As a whole, I find their current setlist confusing. But then I don’t fall into the true fan category. Nor the I’m going for the nostalgia category. I fall into the HI I’m new here category. And they’re clearly targeting the first two categories. Newbies need not bother, that’s what the setlist reads like.

I don’t understand this strategy at all. All, and I mean all, bands I’ve been watching lately play their new material for the main part. Way more than 4 measly songs. I guess Korn didn’t get the memo?

What are the gigs like? For obvious reasons, I will also watch clips or entire shows on YouTube. This is to avoid singers that make for a painful live experience (Manson), too metal (In Flames), put on too much of a show (In This Moment)—I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s just personal preference. Which is why there are quite a few bands I love but would never go see live. (…even if I have seen 2 of the 3 mentioned. But I won’t do it again! Probably.)

Now Korn. Not exactly intriguied. But also not annoyed. It is quite possible I would like it. I see potential. Not sure that’s enough of a reason though.

Deaf Havana, which I’ve just booked, was by comparison a far easier decision for the following reasons:

Brighton + Concorde 2! Sure, would have preferred Glasgow, but far better than Stockholm.
Reason to take time off from work in November!
Tickets under £20! In my opinion, basically a steal. I’ll have to buy some merch just to make sure they won’t starve.
Setlist: full of All These Countless Nights!

Do I need more reasons?

How about this one: I predict that by the end of the year All These Countless Nights will be on my best records of the year list.

Deaf Havana All These Countless Nights

One tiny but: just who the hell goes to the UK in November? Flight providers have pretty much decided no one; trying to find ways to get there and back required some assembly.

As for Korn, I’m going to have to realize it’s not meant to be. It’s too late.

Set obsession

There’s a new-ish feature on last.fm. Set obsession.

If you click the button Set obsession, last.fm will suggest a few tracks you might currently be obsessed with, but really, you can set it to anything.

Looks like this:

last-fm set obsession.png

I haven’t dared used this button because it feels like jinxing yourself. As in, you’ve found a track you love, set obsession and then you’ll just lose interest.

I’d say that’s not a desired outcome.

But if I dared use it, I’d set it to the following:

Korn; Love & Meth. If I start typing Love into the Spotify search box, it’ll give me Love & Meth immediately. So jaa.. I love the line Give me a reason ’cause I got nothing to gain, the way it’s sung and its hopelessness. Love me a good pessimistic song I do.

Also. I love Jonathan’s growling on this record. One of many reasons I think this record is underrated.

Deaf Havana; Pensacola, 2013. Might be the word (yeayea, name) itself. Pensacola. There is something so satisfying the in the pronounciation of this word.

It’s been a minute since I was as obsessed with a song as I was with BMTH’s Throne. But if Being As an Ocean’s Black & Blue was on Spotify, it’d be a strong contender:

 

Being picky, you could say that if you’re actually obsessed with a track, you should see it in your top tracks list, so the feature really is quite unnecessary. But I dunno. Maybe most people don’t use last.fm to the extent I do.

EDIT.

That being said. I just discovered Taylor Swift is now on Spotify (again?). Have been listening to Out of the Woods for the past hour or so. That’s. Not obsessive. At all.

I can’t stop. Help.

Goodbye to June

June was an excellent month in terms of music.

A. I learned to love Korn

I had decided long ago Korn was not a band for me. Because whyyy would anyone bother with Korn when you could be listening to Tura Satana?

And if you know your music history you can quickly deduce that this was a decision I made in the late 90s.

However. Their latest releases are so my taste. I mean Black is the Soul; I can’t not like it. And if there is something I love is learning to like a band I’ve previously…not been to keen on. Put mildly.

Question is. Is it worth while seeing Korn live at this point in time? Or is it just too late?

B. New releases

In This Moment’s Roots. Insanely catchy track. Also in love with the Oh Lord video. It’s the perfect blend of Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson.

Pvris; What’s Wrong. This song alone is reason enough for me to brave Fryshuset in November. Really. Though I still hesitate. Because Stockholm. It is not a place I love visiting. Even less so since having been to Malmö for the first time. Why can’t all bands just play there? Not least because so far, pretty much all venues in Sweden seem to be better than Fryshuset. Fryshuset can’t even get the sound anywhere near acceptable.

C. (Re)discovering old releases

Deaf Havana’s Anemophobia. Both the first part on the Fools and Worthless Liars album, and this second part which isn’t on Spotify (I think?).

Crystal Castles’ I’m not in love. Found it on an old mixed CD I keep in the car. It’s still brilliant. As I’m sure you know.

I basically want all songs to feature Robert Smith and be this sad.

David Bowie’s I’m deranged from the Lost Highway soundtrack. Has to be my favorite Bowie track. (Popular opinion, yes?)

D. Architects

Played in Malmö and as you might imagine, it was brilliant. Might just have been the best one so far. Even if it was on the sweaty side (tho not as sweaty/lacking oxygen as Thrice at the Forum last year).

Malmo was excellent thank you @edmasonphoto

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D. Deaf Havana booked a UK tour

And I’m apparently going to the Brighton show. I mean probably. I’ve got a ticket, I just haven’t made any travel arrangements. Or checked if I can have time off. I’ve got a creeping suspicion we might have something booked at work.

Not that -that- would necessarily stop me. I have no work ethics.

Reading was also not bad, mainly because of

Bitterfittan 2 by Maria Sveland

It is decidedly one of the great feminist novels. Oh yes, it’s a fact, not at all a matter of opinion.

Gawd I love being so friggin old I don’t even care if nobody agrees with me. Not that I cared before, I was just more likely to be influenced by the opinions of others, whereas now, if you tell me this is not a good book/not feminist, I’m just going to think you’re wrong.

Most reviewers have basically hated this book.

What a lot of bores.

This is how I know it’s summer: I start wearing activewear to work. I.e., it is now summer in Sweden.

This makes sense. Wearing the activewear I mean. I can go straight from work to workout without changing. Which I feel comfortable with because working at uni, there’s pretty much no one working in the summer. Or at least they’re not at the office. Except for me. Because I’m admin and use my holidays for going to shows that are not in summer.

That being said.

Leggings. It is a gift from the gods. I can’t be bothered with clothes that restrict movement. Cannot! Just give me a pair of leggings and a loose top. It’s all I want to wear, ever.

Although. I do realize that it is at times inappropriate. Unfortunate that. I would prefer being oblivious. Being oblivious is so underrated.

A few things were less than brilliant.

My period has suddenly decided it’s going to be regular. WHY HAS THIS EVIL BEFALLEN ME I AM TOO OLD ETC.

On the one hand, it’s great, no extra hormones for me (..might also mean I’m healthier than I have been, but what’s the fun in that?), on the other, my period is evil.

Regular period means more opportunities for it to turn up uninvited. And it likes to do that.

Period: Travel you say!? I shall come along for the ride.
Me: NOoooooOO.

Which leads me to….

I love Clue and all, but it can’t predict my periods for shit.

Me: Yup, that’ll be another 7 days then.
Clue: 25 days to go!
Me: WHY am I giving you ALL THIS INFO and all you give me is a goddamn average number??? Might as well be using a calculator! Are you seriously telling me you can’t see the signs!? Because I fucking can.
Clue: *remains clueless*
Me: *rolls eyes*

We’re currently not in agreement.

And one correction.

I dyed my hair. As mentioned last month. Aaand. It’s not going to be the last time. Forgot how much I love this color, even if it stains all that isn’t black.

Guess it just means I need more black things in my life.

Next month

I’ll just be waiting for August and vacation.

3 songs called England

When I ws younger I was always annoyed at songs having the same title. Especially songs that are popular to any extent. Like really, do you lack imagination completely??

I’ve since grown to enjoy this trait. It makes for a fun an simple exercise in comparison.

Obviously, there is more than one song called England. Here’s three I find in my playlists:

PJ Harvey. Actually, if you’re going to listen to one of these, don’t listen to this one.

The National. You’re much better off listening to The National’s EnglandPut an ocean and a river. Between everything, yourself, and home.

Deaf Havana. This is by far my favorite. Not least because I listened to this track, specifically the lines: ‘Cause the world isn’t old as a vampire. England just might be
‘Cause it wears me out, drains the joy thinking Why is he trash-talking England, that seems mean! (My love for the UK is unreasonable, I know.)

And that is how I found out this is an English band. Was so sure they were from the US.

3 songs about Berlin

Deaf Havana; CassiopeiaOh Berlin my love, I’ve got you underneath my skin

Roddy Hart & the Lonesome Fire; BerlinBerlin, you took me in when I needed you most. I promise we’ll always be close.

Kent; Berlin. Du är liv. Du är dom långa milen mot Berlin. [English: You are life. You are the many miles to Berlin.]

If this was Sandman and I was Constantine, it’d be a sign of something for sure. Less sure what that something would be.

PS. A favorite line out of all the lines ever is in the Kent track: Dom viskar: Du är tidlös men dom menar omodern, En elakhet som blir den ultimata komplimangen. [English: They whisper: You’re timeless, but they mean obsolete, A spiteful remark turned into the ultimate compliment.]

100 day song challenge #58

#58 A song you had to look up the lyrics to

That gives me a selection of just about all songs ever.

OK not quite, but I randomly look up the lyrics of songs I listen to. It doesn’t mean anything other than I’m terrible at hearing/paying attention to lyrics.

Here’s one I looked up the other day; Deaf Havana’s Subterranean Bullshit Blues.

Do I remember any more words than all I know is I’m wasting my time?

Nope. I do not. Looking up lyrics; pointless exercise.

 

..and in case you were wondering, no I did not burn down the house this time either. All (two) hot tools were neatly placed in the doorway so that I’d be able to see I’d pulled them out when walking out the front door. But clearly I didn’t look.

Goodbye February!

Music

I think it’s fair to say I’ve been listening quite a bit to Deaf Havana. Specifically the 2017 release All These Countless Nights. And all because of a t-shirt. Don’t underestimate the power of a band tee. Apparently.

Here’s a taste:

Also, obsessed with this Casey video:

His hands. It’s hypnotizing.

Reads

Kristian Gidlund + Annika Lantz – loved both!

In general, concerned about how little I’ve been reading lately. I need to reprioritize my time.

Wearables

No more more knits. I beg of you! Cannot stand it. But I also cannot stand being cold. Dilemma!

No more eyebrows. I did mention how I’ve just given up on brows, didn’t I?

More shoes! Remember these ones?

vagabond boots

These are not shoes made for Swedish winter. Yet, the only thing I’ve been wearing since it started snowing. (I.e. January.) I haven’t loved a pair of shoes this much since early 2000 when I had a pair of knee-high 10 cm platform boots with embroidered dragons (yes, I’m sure you’re jealous now).

I’ve considered getting a second pair as a back up. Can’t quite justify it tho. Was tun!? Bought a different version of the same shoe instead. Also on sale, 45% off, mine for a mere 550 SEK, which is a find I will tell you.

1487949794270.jpg

In other words…still working on becoming a more mindful shopper.

Favorite eyeshadow combo: yellow and purple. Lovely matte yellow shade from H&M and purples from the Sleek Vintage Romance palette.

On the screen

The Mindy Project. I was going to start watching the new season of Vikings, but ended up binging Mindy, which I’d completely missed for unknown reasons. Obviously I love it.

Vikings. Yes I did get my HBO subscription back. Aaand..is it just me or is the second half of season 4 just, not very good?

Girls! Do I have to expand? And the third episode; one of the best episodes of all the episodes ever. In my opinion.

There’s also a podcast, funded and produced by Swedish radio, about each of the episode of Girls, which is money well spent. I mean really, if there is one thing I want my taxes to go to it’s this.

True Blood. It’s as if I’m trying to catch up on TV shows in general. Yea, yea they’re old, but I haven’t been watching anything except for YouTube for quite a while now.

Food

I just keep thinking about how much I love vegan food. Like a lot. It’s exactly like this:

Glad alla hjärtans dag önskar vi på Vegokoll 💚 #vegan #vegokoll #vego #djurensrätt #inspiration

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However. Have to start buying my veggies according to season. Had a bad aubergine experience.

Miscellaneous

Architects went on a short tour. Which is fun for all, whether or not you’re attending a show. They sure brighten up my Twitter and Insta feeds.

I need more sarcasm in my feeds. Already looking forward to their North American tour. Not that I’m going. I’ll be right here. Hoping for a Swedish date soonish. It’s looking bleak tho, innit?

Tried a core class for the first time. It was hard. Spent most of the class thinking “GAWD, ISN’T IT OVER YET?!”. Unfortunately not unexpected. Unfortunately because I need it, so I’ll have to go again. And again. And again. Until it gets easy.

Signed a piece of paper saying I’m buying a new flat next year. Yea. It just seemed to make sense. I can’t keep holding on to an apartment just because I am in love with the kitchen. Or the wallpaper in my bedroom. As much as I hate it, I have to realize the location isn’t exactly ideal anymore. Not sure I won’t live to regret it.

Plans for March

Spend time with kitties! Fucking best plan I’ve had in a while. I miss having a cat soso much.

Also maybe take Provera. Because this has to be PMS. I can’t take it anymore. How do people even live with regular periods??