life

I have a lot of questions #4

Can I has another cup of tea!??!?

Why is quinoa advertised as a great source of protein? Far as I can tell it’s the exact same protein content as pasta. Not the right quinoa? I’m confused.

How do everyone else listen to music? Everyone else: This is my favorite band! They played this great track when I went to see them live, never heard before! …but the track is from 2011 and v. v. popular + it’s your favorite band? (According to Spotify, and why would Spotify lie?) I don’t understand. How is this your favorite band??

Where can I find a cruelty-free toothpaste that doesn’t turn my lips into dry flakes? I’m at my wits’ end. I’ve tried just about all brands I can get my hands on (not counting the ones that were not bad that I got in the UK; for obvious reasons I can’t keep buying toothpaste in the UK).

…when can I go back to Scotland? Yeah. That Scotland vlog I just watched was a mistake. I need to save my monies, not go to Scotland. I have no business being in Scotland.

Is there a barley shortage? I never find barley in the story anymore. Not happy about it, because it is a favorite.

Why is there no tracking rage function on Clue? I want to track irrational rage! I have lots of it. Also rational rage, but this irrational rage. It’s getting old being furious because your headphones are in a tangle, or it’s raining, or can’t get jacket off quickly enough because HOT. For example. Also would like to track not cravings, but rather when you want to eat ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIME.

What is Linkin Park even doing? What do they want and where do they come from? The new album. So many questions. Also: would their sound improve if someone introduced them to saaaayy..the latest Architects record? I’d like to think so. But you know, who knows?!??

Whyy is Nick Cave playing the Globe? Why?? I’ve finally come around and do want to go. But this Globe thing, it’s a problem. I don’t like it.

Is Glasvegas ever going to release a new record? (Did I ask this qustion before? Still wondering tho!)

Is it just me, or is the latest Korn record actually really good? Yea, yea, I know it was released last year. It’s not as if I actively follow Korn. I mean it’s not Tura Satana, but you know, as close as it gets.

Is there anything a person could do to make Thrice play Sweden? Anything??

OK then.

I think I’ve managed to illustrate the point my sister was making on Wednesday, that really, I’m the main character of High Fidelity. I don’t have many thoughts that are not related to listening to music.

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life

When I got my first period

Every once in a while Clue sends out an email asking us for stories relating to our periods. The most recent one asked us to share our stories about our first period.

You needn’t tell me twice! There are few topics I’m more interested in than the menstrual cycle, in general.

Unfortunately this is not going to be a very long story.

I got my first period when I was about ten. I woke up one morning in my favorite panties and there was blood everywhere.

Honestly, what is up with that? Is menstruation is some sort of evil creature that can smell when you’re wearing your favorite underwear and/or when it’s otherwise just really extremely inconvenient? All signs point towards yes.

I would say this is an accurate representation:

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Anyway…

At the age of 10, no one had informed me about menstruation. I had no idea what the hell was going on and was absolutely convinced I was bleeding to death. I remember that finally realizing I had to tell mum I was dying was such as a struggle.

Dear sweet mum. She responded by giving me a book on the subject. Bit of an odd response but OK. Don’t think we talked about it. If we did, I have absolutely no recollection of it. I got the book, pads, few days off school, and that was the end of it.

Looking back though, I am kinda pissed school couldn’t be bothered telling us about it at an early age. As I’ve learned much later, 10 isn’t a particularly abnormal age to have your first period. But oh no, teaching us something that is actually useful, apparently not in the curriculum.

I’m still holding a grudge. And will until that day one of the many things I frequently imagine is killing me finally does.

Years of torture followed, i.e. pads in the 90s, basically small diapers. Which no doubt contributed to the embarrassment I felt the first few years.

Until I finally learned how to use tampons. I ♥ tampons. I even wrote an essay about how it changed my life. I’m sure my male teacher was absolutely thrilled. So yea, once I finally stopped being embarrassed I had literally no boundaries. Have literally no boundaries. I do enjoy telling anyone and everyone where I am in my cycle. Entered the PMS phase a few days ago. SUCH FUN!

I’m giving my period 2 weeks to turn up; I am not having a repeat of the last cycle where I had PMS for an entire month. One month of nightly sweats, feeling unusually weak, tender breasts and constant hunger. Not when I’ve got Provera. Which, admittedly, I’m not supposed to use that way but I just cannot stand it.

I might have to admit defeat and ask to be prescribed Cerazette again, but I’d rather not.

 

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books, life

Dear March,

We were not off to a good start, were we? Car that needed fixing, coworkers clearly trying to kill me by dumping all of their work on me and going off on holidays (???), and then cats being sicker than usual – such fun SUCH FUN.

There were a few things that didn’t suck though.

Music

Casey released a video for Little Bird (track off their 2016 release Love is not enough).

Not sure if it’s objectively good or if I’m just being a fangirl.

The new Johannes Oerding is everything you want from Johannes:

Best track all March tho, the new Robyn track. If there is one track from March 2017 you need in your life it’s Robyn’s Honey:

Been double-checking if the full track has been released like a woman possessed. Quite embarrassing really. If it wasn’t released on Friday it’s probably not going to be released on Saturday morning either, now is it?

Reads

Siri Pettersen’s Röta ♥♥♥

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Wearables

I got more shoes. (SIGH.) If you’re going to be a mindful shopper, you need to not watch hauls. I don’t so much anymore. Not as an active decision it just lost its appeal. Partly because I actually, sometimes, like what I find in my closet and have no need to buy more stuff, and partly because I’m not sure where to even fit more stuff and still be able to find said stuff, and if you’re not in the market for another item, hauls aren’t that much fun.

Except when it’s Helen Anderz. I’ll watch pretty much anything she puts out. In the end. Sometimes I’m a bit like “weeellllll.. I don’t really need to know how to dye your hair purple because that’s not something I’m going to be doing”.

However. Helen’s videos can be watched even if the content isn’t on the top of your list of interests. They’re that good.

Alright then. That quickly turned into some sort of poorly disguised fangirl rant. Point was: she hauled platform canvas boots and I couldn’t resist. A boot for summer you say!? I needs it!

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On the screen

Just kiss my frog on YouTube. I don’t know how I haven’t stumbled on this channel sooner. I am so in love. Leena posts videos on books, feminism, cruelty free makeup, and her PCOS. Basically, all of my top interests, and she does it so, so well.

Example! Tips for your TBR:

And I really, really want to recommend this old video too, which is a defense of makeup, she makes a convincing argument I feel.

…but somebody please inform her that Not Another Happy Ending is not set in Edinburgh. It’s basically a commercial for Glasgow. I should know, it’s the reason I’ve watched it. I would comment. Only. I hate people who only comment to correct someone else. I don’t want to be that person.

Feud. The story didn’t appeal much to me so I only started watching it as a result of nothing more to watch, but oh, now, I am so in love. The combination of feminism, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Lange and a bit of history is just brilliant.

Food

Oatmeal. If I could eat one thing only for the rest of my life it’d be oatmeal. I’ve been having it for breakfast and dinner on a regular basis. Also a good way to save a bit of extra money, if that’s something you’re interested in.

Miscellaneous

Left the Lush hair treatment Jasmine And Henna Fluff-Eaze on for an hour + (sister called, and I have my priorities straight) turns out it was just what my hair needed. Similarly…

Maria Nila Color Refresh in the shade autumn red. My god. My hair was never this shiny! And the red is just about perfection. V. v. impressed. One only wishes they’d start doing actual hair dye too.

I correctly predicted when my period was going to turn up. All by myself! Sans any sort of tool. I love Clue and all, but it does feel kind of great to be able to figure things out with your very own brain box, no training or outside help necessary. I’m all for the collecting data, finding patterns, figuring things out, but on a personal level, it’s a releif that I can rely on my brain for something at least. Gives me some sort of hope.

Nina Björk’s reply to Sigrid Aliki’s text in Bang. I’m not usually impressed with the academic rhetorics, but for Björk I will make an exception. Not only eloquent, but also convincing. Not to mention relieved; clearly I needn’t feel bad I didn’t quite manage to get through Aliki’s text. (Yes HI blind faith, Nina Björk is one of my many gods. For those of you unfamiliar with Swedish culture, Björk is one of our best known feminists, she’s an academic and frequently uses feminist theory to analyse literature. Basically.)

Plans for April

  1. First gig of the year!? I’m seeing Little Jinder. And I’m not even traveling for it! Last time I didn’t travel for a gig was…2011 or 2012. Jonathan Johansson, Pipeline, the Klagomuren tour. Which was brilliant. Might have mentioned that before.
  2. THANK GOD FOR EASTER. I need days and days off. Want to save my holidays for the winter tho, not sure work will let me. But maybe I should ask how they’d feel about me taking say all of March off next year? This is one useless month.
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girls only, life, tag

In which I use a nomination to rant about menstruation

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Lovely Lise has nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award, and you’re all about to regret it.

Rules:

You have to thank the person who nominated you for this award and provide a link to their blog.

Link the nominees and inform them about their nomination.

Nominate at least 15 bloggers of your choice

Share 7 facts about yourself.

Them rules are structured real weirdly. Also, stating some obvious stuff. I don’t approve.

But no matter! I’m going to use this nomination to rant on my favorite topic: menstruation.

  1. I’m currently on day 68 in my cycle. For me, it’s perfectly normal, having PCO and all.
  2. My last cycle was 46 days, and my period was 7 days long. I wasn’t happy about that. I usually get away with 90–120-day-cycles and 3 days of bleeding.
  3. As I’m growing older, my PMS and my periods are basically growing more unpredicable. SUCH FUN.
  4. Currently, I seem to be on week 4 of PMS. Which doesn’t seem to make sense, who has 4 weeks of PMS?? But it’s either that or I’ve got some sort of serious illness. Which I simply do not believe because I’m prone to hypochondria. Also considered if it could be menopause. Can’t find any evidence that it could be.
  5. If science focused on women’s bodies to any extent, I’m sure there’d be some way to tell if this in fact is PMS; I could take my Provera, have my bleeding and be done with it. But because I doubt it just a tiny bit, I don’t want to take hormones unless absolutely necessary (if it is in fact PMS I will be bleeding eventually); I hear hormones are bad for the environment, and also, if it doesn’t work, I’m going to have my period and feel crap on top of that? I don’t think so! So PLEASE if you have a period go use the Clue app so that we can collect some data and figure this shit out.
  6. Main PMS symptom currently bothering me the most: waking up in a pool of my own sweat. Like what the fuck. It COULD be that my building is just well-heated. I mean it is, because I’m never cold when at home and pretty much anywhere else always. At least I’ve figured out that if I open a window before going to bed and leaving it open just a bit throughout the night + put my hair in a high pony I’m fine. At least so far. It is still winter after all. Not sure what will happen once winter is over…
  7. Other fun PMS symptoms: joint and breast ache, throwing fits of rage about just about anything, you know, phone not starting up quickly enough, someone having moved your salt, painkillers not having the desired effect, in addition to feeling as if you’re running a fever, soar throat, having to go to bed at nine to not wake up still feeling exhausted and furious that you have to get up, HUNGER for ALL THE THINGS (is my doctor SURE I haven’t PCOS, like really??), being constantly reminded that you have ovaries because goddammit, I CAN FEEL THEM, that’s not right. It’s not as if I sit around feeling my liver.

There! I’m sure that’s exactly the type of facts the creator of this award had in mind. And my apologies to Lise too. I dare say, I’ve effectively made sure that I will be nominated again.

If you feel like sharing 7 facts about your period, consider yourself nominated! (Rules? What rules??)

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books, life, list, music

Sunday 7

Week started with a few big choices; moving, yes or no? Studying some more, yes or no? I’m going with my favorite answer to the majority of questions: NO. Because I thoroughly enjoy being a negative and bitter old lady. Meanwhile; getting car gets a maybe. Looking into it.

The Amity Affliction released This Could Be Heartbreak on Friday. Found sneak preview of the album on Monday. Managed to listen to it a few times before it was taken down. Boo. They should have left it up, it was excellent advertisement for their Seems Like Forever DVD. Anyway. V.v. catchy record. My fave track is definitely Fight My Regret. Highly recommend giving the record a listen. If for no other reason, so that we can discuss that guitar solo in I Bring the Weather with Me. Is it some sort of…GN’R reference? It just confuses me thoroughly.

So far this year, music has not disappointed me. Quite the opposite. 2017 is going to have a tough time beating this.

Back to work. New office with a new grey desk + black door and I’m a happy camper. + I see this much sky from my window:

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I really don’t ask for much. Best office yet! (Oh God I’ve jinxed it now, haven’t I?) (PS. Blue barracks aren’t going to be there forever, they’re still working on completing this part of the campus.)

Accepted the fact that I can no longer put my makeup on without putting my contacts in first. And even then it’s a struggle to get my eyebrows on straight at ungodly hour in the morning.

As of Tuesday, I’m a Clue Ambassador. 😀 They must have accepted anyone who could bother with filling out the application; but I don’t bloody care. I friggin LOVE Clue. So you know, if you ever feel like talking about menstruation, I’m your gal.

If you don’t know about Clue; it’s a menstruation app you use it to keep track of your cycles. Or in my case; it’s what I use to easily figure out when to take my Provera. If I haven’t bled in approx 90 days I take some Provera to bleed out so that I don’t get abnormal cell growth. Or so my gynecologist tells me.

Visit from sis on Saturday. Went to the stores, bought important things such as much tea, proceeded to drink said tea (one pot each of Irish cream, citrus chai and regular chai; I’m sure you were wondering) while catching up on our fangirl duties, i.e. watched all the videos by the bands on youtube + some Never Mind the Buzzcocks because you cannot be seeing Josh Groban on NMTB too many times.

Been lost in feminist comics all week. Lagging behind on my reading challenge. Oops. Will make sure to get back on track asap. But it’s impossible to resist this reading:

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VISITING AUNT RUTH // There’s so much to do this time of year. I have to send off eighteen cardigans to the church Christmas market. Being in a sewing circle is no easy job. Most people wouldn’t last a day. But I wouldn’t give it up for the world. You see, the sewing circle works as a kind of wall. On the one side: people, including men, kids like you, and morons in general. On the other side: old ladies. Nothing but old ladies! He he he. Did you like the cinnamon rolls? – Yes, thanks aunt Ruth, they were really tasty.

How was your week?

xo,

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girls only

On the subject on menstruation

Just before I stopped menstruating, indefinitely, years ago now, I bought a 100-pack of tampons. Which I’d never done before. Didn’t bleed again for years. On account of having PCO. Apparently.

Finally got around to throwing them away, the doctor gets me Provera and I start bleeding again.

So I bulk up on tampons.

Aaand, Provera fails to make me bleed. Obviously. I get Cerazette instead; you don’t bleed on Cerazette. I throw away my tampons.

Doctor recommends I go back on Provera. Start bleeding almost like a normal person. By which I mean I had irregular periods for maybe 6 months? Without taking hormones that is. I’ve yet again ended up with a bunch of tampons. Not on purpose, I was away, started bleeding, had no tampons, had to buy a bunch, and I had a bunch at home too.

Yes. I’m now on day 101 of no bleeding. Bathroom cabinet full of tampons. But I’m on to you this time! I am keeping ALL OF my tampons. Because that is apparently how this works.

Love,

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PS. I find it hilarious that Clue is ever the optimist. Just guess for how long it’s been saying next cycle starts tomorrow. I don’t blame it, how could it possibly know? I love the app either way. I don’t need to know when my cycle starts, I just need to keep track of when I last bled.

 

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