Det var då ett jävla tjat om hopp

Självklart har vi favoriten Gone with the Wind och raden hope is a prison, men också Untitled av samma band Hope is a dangerous thing. Tydligen lider de av ett behov att definiera begreppet.

Deaf Havana vill ha mer hopp: I’m not a pessimist but sometimes hope is missed or missing.

Roddy Hart har däremot massor av hopp I have such high hopes for you. Lite av en anomali i den här samlingen.

Ingen är såklart lika besatt av hopp som Amity Affliction. I n g e n. De verkar också ha ett ambivalent förhållande till hopp.

I Farewell menar man att There’s no hope left for me. Fast i början av samma skiva, spår tre för att vara exakt, tyckte man däremot att There is hope in my eyes; there is hope in these words. 

Ja alltså egentligen. Så skulle man ju kunna göra en hel lång lista av bara Amity, det finns många MÅNGA exempel att ta av. Från hela deras produktion.

Perfekt uppsatsämne, om det nu är något man är intresserad av.

This has been a quick course in how to alienate any readers; suddenly and without warning switch language.

— END OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE POST —

Which, by the way, I think there are far to few of.

Students ask a lot of questions

Students. They like to ask us questions.

It’s making me miserable.

Can I study this off-campus programme off-campus?

??? That’s not self-explanatory ???

Can I apply to this course when the application is closed?

What kind of answer are you expecting..? YES! You seem an especially fabulous person we shall break all rules for you! Just you! Yes? Or you think that we have available places that we’re hiding? Becuase we don’t really want our courses full?

Why have you changed the selection criteria?

So if our selection criteria were different in 2013…then that makes a difference to your current application…?

How does guaranteed admission work?

This question is currently trending. We didn’t use to get lots and lots of questions about this. Aaand…it’s not self-explanatory? If we guarantee admission we garantee admission? You pass the courses and you’re guaranteed a place on one of the programmes clearly listed on our website? This is difficult to understand? Are you sure you are ready to start uni?

Related question:

So if I don’t complete all courses what happens then?

..you are not guaranteed admission..? Are you under the impression we’re some sort of talking buddies? Because it seems to me you’re just desperately trying to keep the conversation going.

Exchanges like this, is not at all uncommon:

Can I change from the programme at your uni to a uni in Stockholm?

No, we have no such agreement for your programme. But if you study [this other programme], you could, because we do have an agreement.

Can’t I change to a different programme in Stockholm?

The only way for you to swap one programme for another is if we have an agreement. Which, as mentioned, we do not on this particular programme.

So there is no possiblity to study in Stockholm? You don’t have any colloboration with a Stockholm uni?

…what was I just saying? That doesn’t answer your question? Are you interested in actual studies at all? Or just living in Stockholm? Because you might want to reconsider the applying to uni business.

Actually, I got fed up with this one and told him in no uncertain terms he needed guidance and that’s provided by, well, our guidance counselors.

Why are there only 90 places on the programme?

OH well thank god you asked! Now that you asked, we’re immediately changing the number of places. I mean there is a practical reason for you to ask this question right? You’re not asking just to ask? You wouldn’t..do that..would you?

When will you let me know about accomodation?

…we’re a university and don’t have any dealings with accomodation of any type..? Sooo…never?

Can I take this course even if I don’t meet entry requirements?

Sure! We just have entry requirements for fun.

Also loved this one, which wasn’t from a student, but a professor:

Evaluation. 

The students want to know how to access the evaluation form for the summer course.

No signature, no Hej! no mention of what course. I applaud your skills in digital communication contratuwelldone! I for one, so keen to help you out.

I’m going to be out of the country when the course starts, so I won’t be able to attend the mandatory lectures, is that a problem?

You’ve booked vacation for when courses start..? You might want to consider counseling. Because this is clearly a subconscious effort to get out of your studies. Or at least a HUGE BIG SIGN you ain’t that interested.

…I obviously don’t answer the emails like this at all. But only because I know that it would piss people off and they’d come back. My goal is always to make people go away. (I admit, it’s a flawed goal, but I’m not cut out for providing any type service, OK?)

This is like one of the many circles of hell. Having to carry out tasks that serve litterally no pupose. And it never ends.

Watching Queen of the Damned

I’ve seen Queen of the Damned before. Around when it came out, so 2002? I know that it’s terrible; but my new Korn obsession combined with knowing (being reminded of?) Jonathan Davis involvement in the soundtrack I had to give it another watch.

Besides, I used to love Anne Rice when I was younger; Queen of the Damned was my favorite of all her production. Maybe it’d be different this time?

….

No it wasn’t.

It was exactly the same. I usually like crappy movies (example: Blair Witch Project 2, I just think it’s way better than the first movie, clearly I have no taste); but this. What is this?

Here’s what I wonder;

Why are they trying to fit not just the one but two 400+ page novels into one hour and a half movie? Who thought this was a brilliant idea and why?? Despite the title, it’s in fact not based on Queen of the Damned only, but also the second book in the series The Vampire Lestat.

…far be it from me to say, but I do wonder who was in charge of casting. Was someone in charge? Did people bribe their way into the movie? There are literally no more than 2 good castings in this movie; Lena Olin who plays Maharet, and well, I might be biased, but I do buy Davis as the scalper.

And while we’re on the subject of Maharet; couldn’t they just have given her more space? Not only because not crap casting, but also because in the book this is quite an interesting characters. I recall her story as being one of my favorite stories in a book of all time. There’s a lovely section where she’s going to eat the brain and eyes as a part of burial ceremony. Not that that in itself is great, it’s gross. It’s just, it sticks with you.

Did nobody realize that the story in the movie is completely incomprehensible? What is the story even? Did they make it for those of us who’ve read the book(s) only, because there is no way to understand it unless you have.

Why did they have to focus on Lestat as rockstar? Why? It’s horrible. The world they paint is like when Jonathan in Buffy the Vampire Slayer casts a spell turning him into a James Bond type character in their world. Which only works because it is clear it is a spell and it is then broken. As a viewer, I cannot accept this world. It doesn’t make sense. And not because there are vampires. It lacks internal logic.

Akasha. Again, another favorite character from a book. I wanted to call a cat Akasha for the longest time. However. The Akasha in the movie is nothing like the Akasha in the book. Part of the problem is the casting.

In what world would someone who looks and acts like Stuart Townsend sound like Jonathan Davis?

Also. I much preferred Tom Cruise as Lestat. He was angry and raging. It was fun.

Maybe their mission was to ruin Queen of the Damned for all readers everywhere? If so, congratuwelldone!

This movie makes me sad.

Then again. I’ve only got myself to blame. Could have just watched Buffy instead. If I knew what was good for me, I would have.

Planning what to wear

Monday

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A long sheer top from Monki, which my sister generously donated from out of her closet, my favorite 3/4 length Vila leggings (the wide waistband! the opaqueness!), a pink metallic choker from Primark, and Vagabond wedges. Pairing with NYX Liquid Suede in Soft Spoken. Red or pink eyeshadow? Not sure yet.

I love wearing pink with my bright red hair.

Tuesday

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Another pair of them leggings, I’ve got an army’s worth, wearing with an oversized V-neck tee from H&M in a petrol type color. Another color I think goes brilliant with my current hair color. I wear it back to front, because…why not? Or because low cut necklines isn’t my thing, unless it’s on the backside. Adding the biggest hoops, frilly choker and a pair of wedges I’ve had just about forever. May they last for years to come.

Black lipstick??

Wednesday

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Time for some shorts! My favorite type from H&M, again, I’ve got just about an army of them, all different colors (..although, I do have 2 of the black ones..), a floral top from Gina Tricot, which makes me hate Gina because it needs ironing, and shrank in the wash, but the pattern I am so in love with! A lace type choker, Mackintosh necklace and canvas platforms from ASOS. I’ll wear the shorts with some comfort waist, sheer leggings from H&M and the IsaDora Majestic Mauve lipstick.

Thursday

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Second pair of short, stripy 3/4 sleeve top, wee Primark cross shoulder bag and a dark red NYX Liquid Suede, pair of Vagabond sneakers. Any excuse for this bag. And yes, I always wear my shorts with sheer leggings, because my legs are pale, which would equal an outfit which just isn’t black enough. Can’t have that.

Friday

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Oh hell, let’s do more shorts while it’s still warm enough; pair with a striped vest from H&M, oversized plain black tee on top, paisley choker, yellow platforms and bag, because gawd I love the matching apparently.

Unless. Unless I rethink the yellow with the red hair. In which case this is an option:

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A favorite dress from Forever 21 in Berlin. It has to be the best Forever 21? It’s the only Forever 21 I’ve ever bought anything from. I’ll pair it with a long sheer cardigan, H&M leggings, and the usual choker + Mackintosh, eyeshadow curtsey of Sleek’s Vintage Romance.

And that’ll get me through the work week, leaving only the weekend and gym wear.

New bullet journal. Planner? …notebook?

As you probably know, I’ve been using this notebook to plan my life the past few months:

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I love how it ages, it’s gone nice and soft and it’s served me real well. Which is good, because I have another two just like it, only different colors. There’s only room for another few weeks in this one, so I thought it was about time to set up a new one.

This is the one:

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Blank pages, weird size slightly smaller than A4, from IKEA.

I’m changing things up slightly, but I’m keeping the first page, i.e. where I outline the weeks and the first + last date of each week. Like so:

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I also still need to track work hours, last time I dyed hair etc., and the future log is quite nifty.

 

To be honest, I don’t actually make use of my want and need list, but I’m not quite ready to give up on the idea.

 

I also like to use the notebook to track culture consumed:

 

My reading list for a quick overview of what I’ve read, and I like to note records released this year that I’ve at least given a listen. I’ll use it for a post completely about, or at least including, fave releases of the year when we get into December.

I used to list movies I’d watched, but I’ve decided to change it because a. I don’t watch a lot of movies, b. the majority of movies watched I’d seen before, and c. wouldn’t it be more fun to just list anything, clip, tv series or movie in a list with stupid comment? I think yes. So I’ve made a list for that. We’ll see how it works outs.

As for monthly trackers. They had their use at one point, but lately I find that I’m just filling them out, never going back to them or using them to create new habits, so for now, I’m going to not have any monthly trackers.

First three weekly spreads:

 

On the one hand, it would kind of neat if I could learn to draw, to decorate the spreads. On the other, I do like the simplicity.

Went a little overboard with the banners on that one spread. Yes well. I’ve done worse spreads in my life.

The struggles of an introvert

When you are a social retard and spend most of your time trying to work your life so that you’ll have as few IRL encounters with people as humanly possible, as any social situation always and without fail will make you feel, well, retarded, going to a gig is not a straight-forward process.

It has to be carefully researched, to make sure that it will be worthwhile braving crowds of people. You can’t just go because you like the band.

Heavens no.

Currently trying to figure out if I can/should/want to see Korn. Listening habits suggest attendance is mandatory:

There is no such thing as too much Korn

…but a number of other factors also need to be considered.

Can I have time off work? This includes would I call in sick for this band? Because I’m in the habit of making all arrangements and then asking for time off.

The times I’ve not gone on account of being unable to have time off are v. v. few.

I missed out on Amity Affliction in Gothenburg last year because work was making me go to Finland on a goddamn boat. But then they played a second date in Sweden later the same year, which I’ve mentioned going to here. So I can’t actually complain.

As for Korn, conveniently enough, they’re in Sweden during my summer holidays. So I already have time off. Perfect?

Where are they even playing? Now this is frequently where I find an excuse not to go. I strongly dislike most venues/cities.

This works in two ways; is it important enough for me to see this band live that I’m willing to overlook the poor choice of venue in addition to being in close proximity to people?

But sometimes, only somtimes, the venue itself is a reason to go. We’re talking about the classics. For example. If Korn were playing Barrowland Ballroom (in Glasgow obvs.), I’d have to go. (Where they did play this tour: SSE Hydro in Glasgow. Which was before I developed this obsession, i.e. was never an option.)

Where are they playing in August? Grönalund in Stockholm. Yea, that’s an amusement park. Venues don’t really get any worse than that. And, as I might have mentioned before, once, twice, fifty eleven times, I’m not a fan of Stockholm.

Bonus: you can’t get tickets in advance. If you want to go, get there early early early, stand in line as if it’s 1992. Not sure it’s something I do? I want to argue I’m too old, but if so, I was –always– too old for that.

Cost cost cost? This isn’t such a big deal, because when you travel to see the band the ticket is usually a minor cost. However, stupid choice of venue + 800 SEK ticket, that’s a NO in the majority of cases. Nick Cave + the Globe + 800 SEK tickets = No. For example.

The one thing that is good about Korn playing Grönalund: you only pay admission to the park. I.e. practically for free.

Worth noting: Elton John recently played Grönan. Chaos ensued, people complained about not being able to get in. Oh gee, what a surprise, who could have seen that coming???

I’ve no idea if Korn are as popular as Elton John in Sweden. I want to say no, because the heavy type of music doesn’t seem to be particularly popular in Sweden right now. But WHO KNOWS? It’s not as if they play anything even similar on the radio, which could have been some sort of indication.

What are they even playing? I like to check setlists. Some people like the surprise; I like to know that this particular setup of men are secure enough in themselves to not feel forced to be old-school and demonstrate that they’re much heavier than their latest release. As if there’s an equal sign between heavy and good. I’m not saying the opposite is true either. Just play what you’ve just created, ‘s all. Maybe with a few hits thrown in for good measure, that should do it.

In the case of Korn. At most, 4 songs from their latest release (depends if they’re doing festival or regular show setlist). None from The Paradigm Shift. I’m not surprised, just not happy about it.

As a whole, I find their current setlist confusing. But then I don’t fall into the true fan category. Nor the I’m going for the nostalgia category. I fall into the HI I’m new here category. And they’re clearly targeting the first two categories. Newbies need not bother, that’s what the setlist reads like.

I don’t understand this strategy at all. All, and I mean all, bands I’ve been watching lately play their new material for the main part. Way more than 4 measly songs. I guess Korn didn’t get the memo?

What are the gigs like? For obvious reasons, I will also watch clips or entire shows on YouTube. This is to avoid singers that make for a painful live experience (Manson), too metal (In Flames), put on too much of a show (In This Moment)—I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s just personal preference. Which is why there are quite a few bands I love but would never go see live. (…even if I have seen 2 of the 3 mentioned. But I won’t do it again! Probably.)

Now Korn. Not exactly intriguied. But also not annoyed. It is quite possible I would like it. I see potential. Not sure that’s enough of a reason though.

Deaf Havana, which I’ve just booked, was by comparison a far easier decision for the following reasons:

Brighton + Concorde 2! Sure, would have preferred Glasgow, but far better than Stockholm.
Reason to take time off from work in November!
Tickets under £20! In my opinion, basically a steal. I’ll have to buy some merch just to make sure they won’t starve.
Setlist: full of All These Countless Nights!

Do I need more reasons?

How about this one: I predict that by the end of the year All These Countless Nights will be on my best records of the year list.

Deaf Havana All These Countless Nights

One tiny but: just who the hell goes to the UK in November? Flight providers have pretty much decided no one; trying to find ways to get there and back required some assembly.

As for Korn, I’m going to have to realize it’s not meant to be. It’s too late.

Set obsession

There’s a new-ish feature on last.fm. Set obsession.

If you click the button Set obsession, last.fm will suggest a few tracks you might currently be obsessed with, but really, you can set it to anything.

Looks like this:

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I haven’t dared used this button because it feels like jinxing yourself. As in, you’ve found a track you love, set obsession and then you’ll just lose interest.

I’d say that’s not a desired outcome.

But if I dared use it, I’d set it to the following:

Korn; Love & Meth. If I start typing Love into the Spotify search box, it’ll give me Love & Meth immediately. So jaa.. I love the line Give me a reason ’cause I got nothing to gain, the way it’s sung and its hopelessness. Love me a good pessimistic song I do.

Also. I love Jonathan’s growling on this record. One of many reasons I think this record is underrated.

Deaf Havana; Pensacola, 2013. Might be the word (yeayea, name) itself. Pensacola. There is something so satisfying the in the pronounciation of this word.

It’s been a minute since I was as obsessed with a song as I was with BMTH’s Throne. But if Being As an Ocean’s Black & Blue was on Spotify, it’d be a strong contender:

 

Being picky, you could say that if you’re actually obsessed with a track, you should see it in your top tracks list, so the feature really is quite unnecessary. But I dunno. Maybe most people don’t use last.fm to the extent I do.

EDIT.

That being said. I just discovered Taylor Swift is now on Spotify (again?). Have been listening to Out of the Woods for the past hour or so. That’s. Not obsessive. At all.

I can’t stop. Help.

Can we just talk about Sliding for a second?

You know my favorite Roddy Hart & the Lonesome Fire? They’ve released a new video for the v. v. brilliant track Sliding.

I feel cheated.

It could be Glasgow porn and all we get is Roddy’s eye?

I don’t get it.

Am I upset just because I always expect Glasgow from any band from Glasgow, or is it just not very good? I can’t tell.

Fave part: the final scene with the stairs. Because that is Glasgow. The Lighthouse to be exact. As if anyone beside myself cares at all. I need to kick this Glasgow obsession.

Alright then, will now stop typing Glasgow.

I have a lot of questions #5

Why do I keep mixing up Don Broco and Biffy Clyro? I am aware it makes no sense. But my brain refuses to catch up.

What band books ONE date in Sweden and has it be Grönalund!? (Is there such a thing as a venue phobia? There has to be. I clearly have it.) Why do the bands keep booking such unreasonable venues in Sweden???

How much heat protection should you be using?? Is it reasonable to use two different types at once?

Should I give up on the semi-permanent dye and start using permanent already?

Where can I get a hold of One Hundred Days: The Story of Architects’ Almost World Tour? It used to be on YouTube, now there’s only one with Russian voice over and, for obvious reasons, that cannot be watched. I’m more than happy to pay, but I can’t find it.

Do I. Have to. Work? Really? I feel unfit.

Where can I get more high top flatform sneakers/boots with laces?

Why do I keep thinking going to the UK in November is a stellar idea?

What the hell does one do with mandarin infused olive oil??

Can I trust Lush in Brighton to stock the Sleepy lotion in November, or should I order it? Swedish Lush seems to think that’s not a product we need; they have no idea just how wrong they are.

Can you be goth and not wear makeup? Seems like a contradiction to me.

Have actors ever seen a person perform a song in their lives? Most recent watch that made me wonder:

I mean what the hell is this and couldn’t anyone have given the poor dear some direction??

Isitfallyet!?!!?? I want to go back to the gym asap. Bored out of my mind with the walking and the home workouts.

One thought on Jenny Downham’s Unbecoming

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I’ve just finished reading Jenny Downham’s Unbecoming.

When I say reading I obviously mean listen to, because, at this point, if it wasn’t for Storytel and audiobooks I would be back in a reading slump.

And I have to say, Jenny is as pleasant to listen to as she is to read. Two books in and she’s definitely one of my favorite authors. This was a lovely little book.

Just like Before I Die, it’s on the sad side of the spectrum. Albeit in a different way.

I’d say nobody dies, but that’s not true. Let’s go with, none of the main characters die. It’s told from the perspective of three women, a daughter, a mother and a grandmother.

Each of them have their charm, but the grandmother is crafted with such care. In my opinion, Downham did a really good job describing what it’s like to grow old and forgetful to a point where life just crashes around you.

There’s one thing though.

The lack of feminist analysis.

One thing in particular sticks out to me. It’s just a detail. Tiny bit of the story.

The mother has some sort of personal crisis and basically runs away from her children and her husband. The husband calls the estranged (grand)mother to get help to care for the children.

The they haven’t spoken for years. Unlikely that the husband and the (grand)mother have spoken at all before.

What’s upsetting isn’t that it’s not realistic. It is. What’s upsetting is that no one in the book seems to consider this a problem. The problem is described as the mother and daughter not getting along, that they’re not on speaking terms. I mean suuure, that’s a problem too.

But why is it OK for a husband to call in his wife’s mother to care for his children? No comment on that? We’re just accepting it?

Imagine a mother behaving that way. For a minute. Imagine. Would it pass without comment?

This is so frustrating.

Anyway.

The wife/mother runs away to Spain. Which immediately makes me think of Bitter Bitch by Maria Sveland. Obviously.

Sarah, the main character in Sveland’s book, also leaves her kid and husband for Spain. However, it’s a planned escape, the husband is clued in, and it’s only a week. It would make sense to (re)read this book next. Because Sveland is all about feminist analysis.

Although. I really, really should get to reading Feminism by June Hannam already. Got it from the library weeks and weeks ago. And I can’t be relying on Valerie Bryson for feminist theory for all eternity. I need an update. But the actual reading with eyes, such a struggle right now.