In which I overuse THE HORROR

I don’t always read gig reviews, but when I do, I make sure you know about it. 

Not that’s it’s a conscious choice; there usually aren’t any gig reviews I’d be interested in reading. That, or I’m just terrible at finding them.

However. Pinterest is sometimes helpful.

HELLO. Review of the Amity Affliction/Northlane/Stray from the Path/Wage War gig in Glasgow in 2016? I saw them when the tour made a stop in Stockholm, let’s see what Scotland made of it, clickety-click!

Aaaand..it’s a let down. Apparently, the purpose of the review is to demonstrate what a man the writer is.

Like when he comments on the general appearance of Northlane. Singer especially.

[T]heir vocalist Marcus Bridge still looks like Booky Wook author Russell Brand and their music, sadly, is still too niche for me to become an avid fan.

Interpretation: Marcus is too pretty, it will attract the girls. THE HORROR. Metal logic dictates liked by the girls > not heavy enough > if you do like it DON’T ADMIT TO IT. It will make you look like less of a man. That writer guy doesn’t understand why Northlane, third on the bill, gets the biggest audience reaction thus far, is hardly surprising. If you consider what the writer aims to do, failure to understand Northlane’s greatness is expected, but if you’re into the metal made these days, it’s entirely confusing.

As for their music is too niche, isn’t that like saying I only like music that appeals to a great mass of people? Oooorrrrr…? I don’t know why anyone would say that.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that it’s not as if you’d confuse Marcus and Russell Brand.

📸 @moki_mooose

Ett inlägg delat av Northlane (@northlane)

However. I’m not opposed to reviewing the appearance of the band. I think it would benefit gender equality. Women in music are already heavily judged by appearance, why should men in metal bands be any exception?

Specifically. I DO want a review of Wage War’s appearance and style.

I am serious. I need something to work with! The music isn’t doing it for me.

As in, I might, at one point, have been looking for something to throw at them. Not necessarily because they were bad. They just weren’t any fun. Not quite worth sacrificing my NYX Liquid Suede for though.

There’s this interview I keep thinking of. Guy in metal band complained people in bands weren’t allowed to be non-pretty anymore. WHAT BANDS ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT??? Kennt nicht! To me, they all look more or less like Wage War. Pretty or any synonym of the word isn’t exactly appropriate as description, is it?

And besides. What you choose to wear always sends a message. Clothes communicate. You can try and pretend it doesn’t all you want, changes nothing. May as well talk about it. Wage War; clearly not trying to challenge the prevailing world order. But then, this is metal and it’s a very conservative genre, as pointed out by Simon Reynolds and Joy Press in The Sex Revolts decades ago. Which, by the way, you really should give a read if you haven’t already.

Especially if you feel the urge to write things like this:

When The Amity Affliction finally take to the stage just before 9pm there’s a notable change in the atmosphere. … it was more a case of screaming ladies taking over the noise department and for a second I wondered if I’d been teleported to a gig hosted by the anti-christ himself, Justin Bieber.

Oh no. The few girls in attendance made their presence known. THE HORROR. Clearly, we don’t belong at metal gigs, as it needs to be commented on. Clearly, we should stick with Justin Bieber—and I’m assuming he is the antichrist because girls like him. That which girls like=evil.

Meanwhile.

Slightly surprised these guys get away with not a word about appearance. But then he’s already established they’re the girls’ faves, followed up with a final comment on how this gig was the least sweaty and bruised he’d ever been at a gig, therefore he would be unlikely to go again, i.e. Amity Affliction failed to make him feel like a man, which is obviously was this poor bloke uses metal for.

Thank you Stockholm. 📷 @xpeesx #tcbhworldtour

A post shared by The Amity Affliction (@theamityaffliction) on

I’m also confused as to why this is included:

Whilst both [Amity Affliction and Northlane] are considered metal they do have differences in their styles which I will do my best to explain.

Yesss. That’s what we need the review to do, explain the difference between Amity and Northlane. Not as if we could find that out for ourselves by, say, using Spotify? And also, why are Wage War and Stray excluded? I mean they’re all different types of metal. No explanation there??

There never is an explanation though. Unless you count labeling Northlane too niche as an explanation, or the writer’s personal opinion that Amity’s mix of melodic and heavy, well, doesn’t actually mix.

As if there is a contradiction between melodic and metal.

I suppose melodic makes for an easy listen, whereas heavy does not. Melodic music for women, heavy music for men, and thusly don’t mix? That is the reasoning behind it, right?

Obviously the idea that there’s a contradiction is simply inaccurate. Heavy + melodic = BEST MIX /fact.

…even if how to measure the level of heaviness certainly can be discussed. Anyone invent a heavyometer lately? No?

It is clear already from the start that Mr Reviewer Guy prefers the first two bands on the bill, Wage War and Stray from the Path.

Bolstering this tour are two mighty bands from the United States.

(Does my incorrect use of block quotes bother anyone? No?! What about these brackets!?)

This use of mighty. I just don’t approve. Moving on

Despite not being the headliner, SFTP take the title for best band that evening in my opinion.

What’s with the despite? Pretty sure it’s allowed to prefer an opening act to the headliner. Even if the reason is because they don’t make you worry you’ re compromising your manliness.

That being said, despite not being a Stay fan, they do put on a good show. I would repurchase, even if they’re not exactly in my playlist. (Tho the new single is v. v. catchy).

Also. I DO want to talk about is this look:

Berlin tonight

A post shared by Stray From The Path (@strayfromthepath) on

Well that or, the short speech Mr Singer Guy did in Stockholm; he pointed out that the show was for everyone and don’t fucking harass the girls, and if you see someone doing that let them know that’s not OK. (I’m paraphrasing, he said something to that effect, my brain was all Hey! That’s vaguely feminist! put him in the feminist compartment and moved on with its life. My criteria for the feminist label for men in metal are extremely low.)

OK then. I think I’ve demonstrated why gig reviews probably aren’t something I should be reading, even if I’m able to find them. Throws me straight into rant mode it does.

Not that I hate rant mode. Just don’t think other people are that wild about it.

5 thoughts on “In which I overuse THE HORROR”

  1. Alltså. Fy fan. Särskilt den där om att nu skriker alla tjejer så det måste vara Bieber. Jag blir så arg!
    Penntricket har gjort så att jag blir arg på allt numera 😛
    (och jag gillar parenteser, det får du leva med)

    Like

    1. Underbart! 😀 Penntricket är ej att underskatta.

      Kul grej man borde göra: samla grupp fjortonåriga flickor, dra runt på alla de “tyngsta” konserterna och bara låta dem skrika loss.

      (Gör kanske jag med, men jag kommenterar alltid när jag granskar texter att antingen ör det tillräckligt viktigt för att vara med utan parentes, eller så ska det inte vara med, så det känns lite hycklande. Å andra sidan, heeeeelt olika typer av texter.)

      Like

      1. Jag misstänkte att du skulle gilla det 😛

        Haha, vore ju askul! Bara den där nedvärderingen för vad 14-åriga (just) tjejer gillar. Argh.

        Men det är ju sant. Precis så sa dom när jag pluggade engelska, så jag är noga med det i “officiell” kommunikation. Men blogg/chatter räknas fan inte.

        Liked by 1 person

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