How to kill your Korn obsession in 2 minutes flat

Maybe it’s an exaggeration to say that I’ve managed to kill my Korn obsession, but we’re definitely on a break.

How I did it?

Weeellll…Mr Bass Player, a.k.a. Fieldy, wrote a biography, Got the Life, and it’s on Storytel. My current book service of choice. Had to listen to it, didn’t I?

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I sort of expected it to be a painful listen. I sort of expected it to be down there with the Backyard Babies biography.

In the case of the Backyard Babies bio, it took me approx. two pages to decide I ain’t reading a book that cannot for the life of it imagine that maybe the reader could actually be female, and that maybe referring to women as objects is a bit outdated.

Got the Life is down there alright.

I don’t know much about anyone in Korn really. Vague knowledge of who’s in the band, that they make poor interviewees, one of them has found God, aaand..that’s pretty much the extent of it. Probably not the only reader who picks up the book knowing little and/or nothing.

So what is the first thing this Fieldy guy wants us to know about him?

He wants the reader to know how he beat up his girlfriend in a hotel room.

Sure, it’s honest, sure, he says he regrets it, sure, he’s a changed man.

Do I need to point out that I subscribe to the school of thought where people aren’t actually able to change? At best, a person could hope to become an improved version of themselves but an actual change? That’s pretty much not happening. I.e. me and the book, we don’t view the world the same way. At all. Moving on!

If he regretted it, and if he in fact has changed, wouldn’t the incident make him feel embarrassed, i.e. he’d hide it away in the text somewhere? Not flaunt it on the first page?

Also, the way he describes the incident, it isn’t just blind rage. It’s calculation. That’s nice.

I do not for the life of me understand why anyone would want to represent themselves this way.

OK maybe I do. But I don’t think he thought it through properly. Purely because, OMFG stereotypical masculinity, don’t let people know you’re that boring and retarded!?

Sure. Guy clearly didn’t actually -write- this himself, he told the story, someone else typed, and I can tell someone has also tried to straighten up the text. Not particularly successfully. For example. You can’t be sometimes referring to the singer in the band as Jon and sometimes Jonathan Davis. It’s inconsistent. And really weird. Just to name one very obvious example.

What I really wanted to get at is: publisher thought structuring the information in this way was a good idea? Many people were clearly involved and literally no one thought that maybe this is not a first impression you’d want to make?

It’s not even as if it’s a chronological story and they move from this point and forwards, no this is just one incident they apparently want focus on.

Obviously I’m not surprised it didn’t occur to anyone. Because patriarchy. Men get away with this shit. It’s just. I keep expecting us to have come further.

I’m not bitter. I am super bitter.

I could go on about how it’s also extremely boring to listen to a report on just how many drugs and drinks he’s done, about how he cheated but it was only one night stands (and that makes it…OK..?), details on his cars and how he used to consider it a status symbol but now it’s just a hobby (uh-huh, please tell me more, I’m so intrigued), and OH I must mention my favorite part:

He’s getting married. Describes his and his mates’ outfits as they enter the venue of the wedding, how he imagines everyone staring at them in fear.

A. Think your mind is playing tricks on you sir, that’s not fear, that’s oh dear, someone is in dire need of a stylist,
B. Let’s say it is fear. Why would you want that?? And if you do, at least have sense enough yo keep it to yourself! For your own sake.

I sometimes read bios as a way to get some sort of sense of the history of a band. I’ve listened to interviews more informative on the subject than this book. This is basically my understanding of Korn based on this book: they were famous from the start without much effort and they’re all misogynist pigs.

Oh yeah. And he’s responsible for Limp Bizkit. Guy’s truly evil. And not in a good way.

To be honest. I couldn’t listen the last 40 minutes of the book. Just couldn’t. He’s topping off a long history of misogyny and drug abuse with praising the bible. I couldn’t take any more. I see how the bible has appeal, if you’re a fan of patriarchy, which he clearly is. Also, it’s convenient if you like to not think for yourself. (I’m sure the bible can be used in different ways, but he seems to take it as some sort of manual of life, i.e. no thinking required.) Doesn’t mean I want to hear about it.

Why I didn’t stop listening to the damned thing sooner? It was on purpose. Because I want to not like Korn. I feel this book, as suspected, aptly demonstrates why that is something one shouldn’t want. Apparently I also like to torture myself. Speaking of which…

If you for unknown reasons find that you are in fact interested in this book. Maybe don’t listen to it. Because in addition to the general stupidity of this book, the reader is insufferable. His fake chuckling in particular. In particular, because nothing is actually funny; this is an incredibly sad story.

Really. You should just do yourself a favor and read Tête-à-tête: The Tumultuous Lives and Loves of Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre rather than picking up this book. 

OR, if you’re short on time, you could listen to this interview with some guy in a band that I came across the other day. It’s not new, but there’s a bit in it that gives me just a tiny bit of hope the metal genre as a whole isn’t just a lost cause. From a feminist point of view obviously.

Just don’t listen to Memphis May Fire.

But then I don’t know why you would anyway.

4 thoughts on “How to kill your Korn obsession in 2 minutes flat”

  1. At the same time, aren’t you happy we live in the times of internet and stuff? Where you can find this shit out, and stop helping insufferable people out financially? (Yeah yeah, “like they notice”, but that’s not the point. My point is always principles! Standards!)

    Btw, speaking of stereotypical masculinity – did you watch that episode of Graham Norton I linked to with Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen?

    Like

    1. Yes, I am! I think about that a lot. Life without the internet would be unbearable.

      And I agree with you, principles! I don’t want to give them my money. No matter how little of it.

      I did now! I was supposed to go on a lunchtime walk but—no regrets! It was a good one.

      Like

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