How to get out of a music slump. Or not.

My music stats have been appalling lately. Appalling as in I’ve barely listened to music at all.

Well, by comparison. 1 day 11 hours total for last week; in the words of Dustin, it’s not enough.

There is a reason though. I’m not as excited about music as I have been. I know there’s a pattern, I’ve been around for a long time, I’ve observed it. I’ll have periods where I listen to music basically 24 hours a day (sleeping is a waste of precious time that could be spent listening to NIN!), and then there are periods where I can barely stand music at all and I’ll prefer to listen to people talking (radio, TV), maybe I can stand a wee bit of Iain Morrison but that’s it.

I’m trying to coax myself back into the part of the cycle I prefer, the listening to lots part, by listening to a lot of old faves.

For example:

The Mission; Never Again. How can you not love The Mission? Even with that horrendous art work that passes for the cover of the album Masque.

Depeche Mode; Stripped. Usually everyone’s favorite, which I’m only just starting to get. Not that it was ever bad, I just wasn’t obsessed. Before.

John Cale; Darling I need you. From the Fragments of a Rainy Season record, which, by the way, is finally available on Spotify! If there is one John Cale record you need in your life, this is the one. It’s basically Cale playing all of his best songs on the piano. Now if that hasn’t got you sold I don’t know what will.

Still wondering WHY he’s spent most of his career doing, well, not this.

Nine Inch Nails; Sin. A live version I can’t get enough of.

Recoil; Jezebel. Recoil’s Liquid is such an underrated album. It includes 5 of my all-time favorite tracks.

HIM; Killing Loneliness. You know how I love pop metal.

LOTS of Within Temptation. Part of me thinks this is one ridiculous band, but the music they make, it’s a 100% match for me. Go-to for workouts. If I did workouts. Obvs I don’t. I just lay around on my couch all day. Snack on things high in sugar and fat.

Sinéad is a fave:

And yes, in terms of my feminist challenge this playlist (not only this excerpt) is pretty much a complete failure.

I have no excuses. Except for all other culture I consume is by and about women. Doesn’t that count?? (No it doesn’t.)


There is not a chance in hell this strategy is going to work. In fact, I predict it will get worse still before it gets better. Because that is the pattern. One can only wait.

I hate waiting.

Why I stopped being vegan

I love YouTube. It frequently makes me feel Oh good, it’s not just me!

Which is a main reason why I keep watching Why I stopped beaing vegan videos, because been there, done that.

I love Why I stopped being vegan videos. It’s just a long list of poor and uninformed excuses to start eating meat again, which makes me feel confident that going back to a vegan diet was the right choice.

I’m not blaming them by any means! As mentioned, I did that too once (except for I never went meat-eater, I went pescetarian.) Being vegan is breaking a habit and it’s hard, especially is you don’t have many vegans in your immediate environment.

There was one girl I watched (why would anyone watch anything but girls on YouTube?) who had a reason that was almost convincing. Binge eater, felt restricted on a vegan diet, stopped. I get it. But I also think she should give it another go. There are lots and lots of things you can eat as a vegan! You just need to get into the habit, which I admit will take time, just don’t give up! Erm, right…

Coincidentally stumbled on another binge eater who stopped being vegan. Unfortunately unaware of her ED, unfortunately presented probably the worst excuse I’ve heard so far. Basically, she decided that vegans are all spreading lies, the majority of animals are treated well at farms, and so it’s OK to eat.

Right. Yes. Vegans, they make much money on spreading misinformation about conditions on farms (???). Whereas the farmers…don’t?

Also. Could someone please explain to me how it’s OK to eat an animal because it’s had a good life. I mean does this apply to humans too? Any human killed who’s had a good life, it’s OK? Oh no dear, this is no tragedy, the children killed in the accident all had a good life.

This girl had another brilliant reason. Namely, a low iron value. Which she explained while having her protein powder.


So you’re telling me you know about protein powder but not iron supplements? PS. HI, I also struggle with iron absorption, yes also genetic, my mum + sis have it too. And they’re omnivores. Not to mention, last time I had my iron checked I was on a vegan diet, not taking -any- supplements and my iron value was just fine – better than when I was having dairy and fish mind you! My guess: if your iron is low it’s because you’re starving. I. Should. Know.

I do wonder tho. If you have a fitness channel, which I understand as a keen interest in health, should you not be aware of the research pointing to the benefits of a vegan diet not to mention the fact that you are suffering from an eating disorder? I’m just. Confused.

OK, I lie, I’m kinda upset. I was staring at this video in disblief for all of the 15 minutes it lasted. How does this channel have hundres of thousands of subscribers? Are people that uncritical? Or they subscribe in spite of?

At the same time…I take comfort in knowing that people don’t always make the most informed decisions. Who can’t relate to that?? There are so many choices to be made, you will be making a bunch of them on a whim. Which is fine, but arguing that in fact was not on a whim, now that just seems daft.

Speaking of research and vegan; did also stumble on a channel that a. frequently referred to research and b. claimed that there is now research pointing to being vegan is the best for PCO. So you know, good news for me!

If we’re being honest, there are so many reasons to be vegan. So. Many. It’s really just a matter of finding the one that will convince you. For me, it’s not the maltreatment of animals, I mean partly, but it’s not the main one, it’s also no the waste of resources – what do I care if mankind dies? It’s the  paying people to kill animals I have a problem with. The actual giving of the money. Such awful behaviour should not be enouraged.

And clearly, I’m also a cheap bastard.

That and I was brainwashed. Repeatedly watching people making vegan food going nomnom! I’m a simple kind of person.

100 day song challenge #98

#98 A song by one of your favorite bands (#2)

Ah yes. Having decide this for me was not a bad idea at all.

You should be able to guess the band.

Obviously it’s Bring Me the Horizon.

I’m going to pick a song off of There is a hell believe me I’ve seen it. There is a heaven let’s keep it a secret, because I just feel it’s not getting enough attention. By which I mean, how are they not playing a single track off of this release this tour?

A bit of Alligator Blood never hurt no one?

I have a lot of questions #3

Why do I always make at least ONE spelling mistake in each post? I read through most posts more than once. I swear I know how to spell too! Someone pls explain.

Why is it that I can’t have PB in the house without wolfing the entire jar down in a day? More importantly, can I learn how not to?? I ♥ PB.

Who gave mathematics permission to disregard any and all grammar rules?? I want the permission revoked immediately!

Why can’t Catherine de’ Medici and Mary Queen of Scots do more scheming?? It was the best part of this series. The. Best.

How do I make Pinterest stop showing me school-related pins?? I’m unfollowing and unliking like a crazy person THEY KEEP COMING BACK!!

Similarly, I don’t want this crap in my Pinterest feed, but more importantly, could Lifehack maybe consider hiring a native speaker to proof-read??? One example out of a zillion similar in my feed:

English is obvs. not my native tongue, but even I can tell this is just wrong.

Why do people keep using ` and/or ´ when they really mean ‘ ??? Can you honestly say you can’t tell the difference?? Or do you struggle to find the right key? I’d really like to know if I’m supposed to be handing out a map or explanation.

Why is iTunes? Yes you read that right! Why. Is. Just why is??

Why is the Admissions Office calling me with questions about entry requirements? Isn’t that their specialty??

WHY did I leave the shower doors in the attic? WHY didn’t I just get rid of them when I had my bathroom redone? WHY? (Oh yeah, I wasn’t going to move EVER.)

Is there any way I can have a cat? Or two? I miss having a cat so much.

When this guy has had enough of us and this world, just what the hell are we going to do?? We need a backup!


Why is it I still haven’t learned that a new cat will always be a different cat, not the same??

Why is the use of cuticle cream such a difficult habit to acquire?

When is the release of Robyn’s Honey, when???

Things to do on a Sunday #8

When you wake up at what can only be described as an ungodly hour for a Sunday (a.k.a. same time you wake up for work), get dressed, lace up your shoes and head out for a walk.

I know I know, it’s going to be cold, but give it a couple of minutes and you’ll be happy it’s not warmer out.

! Before heading out, make sure you’ve got two things available on your listening device of choice:

  1. A good podcast. Penntricket is an obvious choice, but if, like me, you’ve already listened to all of the episodes, an interview with a random woman with a pleasant voice talking about life will do. Such as Amanda Ooms. Who will put you right in the mood for…
  2. Einstürzende Neubauten’s Alles wieder offen.

Enjoy having the streets all to yourself (give or take one or two people and their dogs).

Time your walk so that when the podcasts ends you can swing by the store and get some fresh strawberries. Listen to Alles wieder offen on your way back home.

If I had to chose between mornings and nights, I’d pick mornings every time.

When I got my first period

Every once in a while Clue sends out an email asking us for stories relating to our periods. The most recent one asked us to share our stories about our first period.

You needn’t tell me twice! There are few topics I’m more interested in than the menstrual cycle, in general.

Unfortunately this is not going to be a very long story.

I got my first period when I was about ten. I woke up one morning in my favorite panties and there was blood everywhere.

Honestly, what is up with that? Is menstruation is some sort of evil creature that can smell when you’re wearing your favorite underwear and/or when it’s otherwise just really extremely inconvenient? All signs point towards yes.

I would say this is an accurate representation:



At the age of 10, no one had informed me about menstruation. I had no idea what the hell was going on and was absolutely convinced I was bleeding to death. I remember that finally realizing I had to tell mum I was dying was such as a struggle.

Dear sweet mum. She responded by giving me a book on the subject. Bit of an odd response but OK. Don’t think we talked about it. If we did, I have absolutely no recollection of it. I got the book, pads, few days off school, and that was the end of it.

Looking back though, I am kinda pissed school couldn’t be bothered telling us about it at an early age. As I’ve learned much later, 10 isn’t a particularly abnormal age to have your first period. But oh no, teaching us something that is actually useful, apparently not in the curriculum.

I’m still holding a grudge. And will until that day one of the many things I frequently imagine is killing me finally does.

Years of torture followed, i.e. pads in the 90s, basically small diapers. Which no doubt contributed to the embarrassment I felt the first few years.

Until I finally learned how to use tampons. I ♥ tampons. I even wrote an essay about how it changed my life. I’m sure my male teacher was absolutely thrilled. So yea, once I finally stopped being embarrassed I had literally no boundaries. Have literally no boundaries. I do enjoy telling anyone and everyone where I am in my cycle. Entered the PMS phase a few days ago. SUCH FUN!

I’m giving my period 2 weeks to turn up; I am not having a repeat of the last cycle where I had PMS for an entire month. One month of nightly sweats, feeling unusually weak, tender breasts and constant hunger. Not when I’ve got Provera. Which, admittedly, I’m not supposed to use that way but I just cannot stand it.

I might have to admit defeat and ask to be prescribed Cerazette again, but I’d rather not.


In which I’m kinda upset by association

Jessica Almenäs has, in one fell swoop, made me want to stop eating anything that could be interpreted as healthy and hide the fact that I do on occasion visit the gym.

Her recent comment on Lady Dahmer is so void of respect for other people, so vastly unintelligent and uninformed, I don’t want be or do anything that is even remotely associated with her.

And unfortunately she also seems to be under the impression that she is a feminist.

Not sure if I should laugh or cry.

Bad news: there is no way to argue with people like this. Although I’m sure many are trying to. Hardly think I’m the only person upset on Lady Dahmer’s behalf.

I just hope one of those people is a proper hacker. People like Jessica should at least struggle to get their message out. (Note to self: become hacker.)

Short recap of the events for any non-Swedish reader:

Lady Dahmer is a well known feminist and blogger who writes and talks a lot about body positivity. I.e. she’s critical of the current “health” obsession (read: forever ungoing obsession with being skinny no matter what). Rightly so I would say. Jessica, however, who’s some sort of boring media person (TV show host?), considers this an attack on her person, thinks body positivity is about telling people to eat in order to become fat (?????) and points to the “fat epidemic”. Like JFC, what are you like 12???

Personal opinion: if anyone is to blame for the fat epidemic it is politicians allowing this capitalist system in which companies are allowed to make money by selling products we don’t actually need.

That and the fact that a vast majority of us are forced to be locked into offices for hours and hours a day to make some sort of a living. I think we should talk about this more rather than who’s too fat/too skinny and whether or not that is healthy. It is not going to solve anything. It’s a structural problem, not individual.

It’s like this: I’m vegan right? Except for…when a bowl of M&M’s is staring me in the face. All reason goes out the window. A higher power (the State) needs come in and take charge (remove M&M’s off the market) because my primitive brain, it has no sense.

Now, I will have M&M’s until I’m sick. So I’m already feeling bad, I don’t need to have people telling me that I shouldn’t have the M&M’s, it’s not going to make anything any better what so ever. Mental health: sadly overlooked. But also: if a person can eat a bowl of M&M’s and not feel sick, who the fuck are you to tell them they should feel sick? (Yup, I’m a big believer in the Law of Jante.)

As I was saying, it’s a problem with the system and that’s what we should be talking about.

Even if I’m on Lady Dahmer’s side. Even if I love anyone who points out that the “health” obsession is in fact unhealthy (well duh, it’s an obsession), that if dieting worked we’d all be skinny already, that maybe what is most unhealthy is feeling bad about your body, etc.!

I could read that all day every day.

Actually, what is most unhealthy is thinking it’s OK to be disrespectful for the sake of “health”. It is a behavior known in schools as bullying. And honestly, you’re not concerned about anyone’s health when you tell them they are fat/need to lose weight/similar, we all know that’s not what it’s about, so don’t try and pretend it is. To sum up: clearly your mindset is not OK and you need help. I am concerned about your health (no I’m not, I just think you’re stupid and I don’t want to see you anymore).

OK then, I’m going to go before I tangle myself up even more.

You’ll know where to find me from now on. The couch. Or the snacks isle. Only two places I’ll be from now on.

100 day song challenge #97

#97 A song by one of your favorite bands (#1)

We’re getting close to the end!

There’s at least two ways to do this. I can either just go by what tells me, or I can go by what to me are some of my favorite bands, i.e. not based on to what extent I have been listening to that particular band lately.

The first options is easier because that basically means making the choice for me, no need to deal with an endlessly long list of favorite bands.

Whichever way I choose, the next few posts of this challenge will be repreats.

May as well go with current favorites. May as well go with what tells me. tells me I listen to The Amity Affliction quite a bit. Fight My Regret off of their 2016 release This Could Be Heartbreak is a textbook example of what I like in a song.

Preparing to move #4

Numbering these entries was a brilliant idea on my part. Keeping track of numbers, it’s truly something I excel at. And I’m only on four…jeez.

Today! I decided it was time to get familiar with the area. Which is probably something most people do before they decide to buy a new place to live. Apparently not one of my priorities. (??)

So I used my lunch hour to walk to the building site, looked at it from afar, observed that it was…not quite as close to work as one might like. Then again, that’s why I have a car.

Quite a nice walk though, I walked along a stream and through a park for most of the way. Which I’m sure will look lovely once we see the end of this dirty spring. At least it stopped snowing…

Next up: find shortcut to work. I’m sure there is one.